Archive | June, 2010

List: The devil is in the details…

14 Jun

Today is the one week anniversary of my owning my new place. I’ve moved 98% of my stuff in and am pleased to announce it’s all unpacked. Nary a box in sight, aside from those that are broken down and awaiting donation to another member of the sisterhood who is moving. (More on this in a separate post.)

When you’re buying a place, you have a limited amount of time to assess it before pulling the trigger. (At least in DC, that’s how it works.) You arrive at decisions pretty quickly and without examining things too closely. When there’s furniture and rugs in place, everything looks great. When you’re faced with a vacant place, all the flaws suddenly jump out at you and scream.

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Tell you what, I’ll worship your god, if you…

14 Jun

I think this couch, with someone sitting on it, was still lighter than mine.

Friday I moved the majority of my stuff from my old place to the new one. Well, I shouldn’t say I, because all I did was sit dejectedly on the steps trying to stay out from under foot. Although I’m a) only moving four blocks and b) only had a one bedroom condo full of stuff to move, I hired movers. You might think me a wimp, but had you witnessed the Herculean task of getting my heavy-as-shit sofa bed up five flights of stairs and into my place ten years ago, my decision would be obvious.

While the guys carried my sofa down the stairs, I sat on the front steps keeping an eye on the truck to make sure no one stole my stuff. (At some point it had occurred to me that an unattended moving truck would be a perfect target, and I became paranoid that no one was watching it. Founded or irrational? You be the judge.) Anyway, while I was sitting there, I noticed a group of well-dressed senior citizens slowing making their way down the street, stopping to ring every doorbell along the way.

Witnesses, I thought to myself, then puzzled on the idea that in 13 years of living in Washington DC, I had never been “witnessed.” It was a fairly common occurrence in Michigan (where I grew up, and I even got “witnessed” while on vacation in Florida in middle school. (My mom and her sisters had gone on a day’s cruise in the Bahamas, but I stayed home sick. When the doorbell to my aunt’s house rang, I answered it. I was both polite and sick, my defenses completely worn down, so I invited the Witnesses in for tea because I wanted to sit while they talked.) Continue reading

I’m learning restraint: Unposted Facebook Statuses

13 Jun

This week was a busy one, which explains my absence from this blog  for so long. Monday I settled on my new place and I had movers scheduled to move the bulk of my stuff on Friday. I was working this week, so during my off-hours, I split time hastily shoving things in boxes at my old place or trying to bleach every surface in sight at my new one.

Needless to say, there was little sleep and a lot of swearing and wine involved. I didn’t have as much time to update Facebook as usual, but if I had, these are the posts I would’ve written:

  • Just met the neighbor who lives directly above me. Should I be concerned that his first question was, “This might be personal, but which bedroom are you planing to sleep in?”
  • Bike racks at Trader Joe’s overfloweth. Is this in direct reaction to BP?
  • Interesting. I forgot to pack my plunger. (Not that I needed it, just noting its absence. Seriously, shut up.)
  • Dear God, I hope that is my neighbor’s washer on the spin cycle.
  • It’s one thing to make a Firefly Arnold Palmer if you think you’re meeting friends to watch the World Cup. It is entirely another when that ends up being your drink of choice while biking around town.
  • Just successfully caulked my bathtub. Now to get dried off and put some clothes on.
  • Honey: if your ass is as big as a picnic table, you really shouldn’t wear tight plaid shorts.
  • John Travolta: We get that you can fly a plane. But is it really necessary to wear a pilot’s uniform? I think your family will know who is in charge without the hat, dude.

On second thought, perhaps I’m a nicer person when life gets busy and I can’t find an outlet for my stream of consciousness. Perhaps the world doesn’t need my mind’s play-by-play narration.

Because poops rhymes with oops.

11 Jun

One of my friends cracked me up with an unexpected email this week. In the middle of a conference call, I opened a note from her and the subject line was “If I had no internal sensor…” That alone should’ve warned me not to proceed with a mouth full of Diet Dew. I almost choked. The message?

My status update would now read: “Doodie coming.”

I’m sorry, but that’s FUNNY. Who doesn’t enjoy bathroom humor, especially when it comes from a woman?

I just wish she didn’t have professional “friends” connected to her via Facebook. Because the rest of us would’ve rioted to see that as a bonafide status.

I think I’m doing more damage than good…

8 Jun

Tonight I headed over to my new place to try to do a bit of cleaning so it would be ready to receive furniture and the like on Friday when I move. I had a small list of projects to get done: replace faucet sprayer, remove caulk from bathtub, wash  baseboards.

I started with removing the caulk from the bathtub. That was pretty easy, until I got to the caulk that was under the shower door. I’m not sure what bull semen they used to get that to adhere, but it wasn’t going anywhere. I abandoned the job halfway done and resolved to go home and bring back a razor blade to coax it out.

I felt a little ADHD wandering out of the bathroom, leaving a tub full of caulking bits all over it. In the kitchen, I started to replace the faucet handle (the old one had piss-poor pressure), when I noticed a weird noise coming from the refrigerator. Curious, I opened the door – and saw nothing. Then I opened the door to the freezer and saw…

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