Tag Archives: caulk

Get your mind out of the gutter: I’m talking about caulk.

27 Jul

Last night I re-caulked my guest shower.

I know. You’re thinking, “Damn. This girl sure does love some caulk.”

And you’re right. I caulked my old bathtub before moving, my new bathtub (twice because of faulty caulk), and now my new guest shower. I am turning into something of a Caulk Artist (not like this guy, who is a clever Cock Artist).

Seriously, click on that link. It will provide you with two minutes of magic, the likes of which you haven’t seen since you last purchased a MAD Magazine.

Anyway, the problem with caulking is that I’m a perfectionist. Caulking is easy; it’s the prep work that sucks. I spend days tearing out caulk, using a razor blade to get every last trace out, then a sanding sponge and dustbuster to make sure it’s 100% clean and ready for new caulk. So although I’m good at it, I kind of hate it.

Which got me to thinking… most people probably hate it.

And that lead to a brainstorm, which sounded something like this:

If ever I lose my day job, I could make a living by caulking people’s tubs for them.

There is a need for that.

I always look in people’s tubs when I am at their house peeing, and I am disgusted.

This is a business plan waiting to be written!

Wait. What would I name this business?

Stop, Caulk, and Roll? (Because it’s a mobile business!)

Caulk and Balls? (Would somehow need to incorporate ball bearings. Not sure how.)

Caulk-a-doodle-doo! (Enough said.)

Caulk-a-memi. (Again.)

Piece of Caulk! (For the Martin Short fans in the bunch.)

Back to the drawing board.

I think I’m doing more damage than good…

8 Jun

Tonight I headed over to my new place to try to do a bit of cleaning so it would be ready to receive furniture and the like on Friday when I move. I had a small list of projects to get done: replace faucet sprayer, remove caulk from bathtub, wash  baseboards.

I started with removing the caulk from the bathtub. That was pretty easy, until I got to the caulk that was under the shower door. I’m not sure what bull semen they used to get that to adhere, but it wasn’t going anywhere. I abandoned the job halfway done and resolved to go home and bring back a razor blade to coax it out.

I felt a little ADHD wandering out of the bathroom, leaving a tub full of caulking bits all over it. In the kitchen, I started to replace the faucet handle (the old one had piss-poor pressure), when I noticed a weird noise coming from the refrigerator. Curious, I opened the door – and saw nothing. Then I opened the door to the freezer and saw…

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