Self-absorption: Volume One

30 Jul

Blogging can make a person frightfully self-important. There have been quite a few instances lately when I’ve had a random thought, and on the heels of it, I’ve thought: that is going on the blog. As if other people give a shit about the inner-workings of my warped brain.

Well, it’s Friday and my brain is tired, so here are a few of those random thoughts I’ve noted in the past week. Not because I think you care, but because the well is dry and this is all I can muster:

  • When people see me carrying three cans of Diet Mt. Dew and a box of Tic Tacs down the sidewalk at lunchtime, are they thinking, “What a nice girl, doing a soda run for her office?” or are they thinking, “Holy shit. That girl will be dead in about three years if that’s her lunch?”
  • The article I just read suggested meeting three strangers each week. Does the woman I routinely talk to in the bathroom whose name I don’t know count as one? Or is she not a stranger since we are friendly already?
  • This call is going to suck. I’m going to pretend I’m “playing business” like I did as a kid and just be glad someone else is willing to pretend to be a client.
  • How many other people completely dry their shower before getting out of it? And since I’m essentially wiping it down daily, do I need to clean it each week?
  • I’m not sure if my mute button works. If I refill my cup from the Deer Park jug during this conference call, will someone hear it and think I’m peeing?
  • I’m so glad I have toenails!
  • Why don’t they put the sink outside the bathroom?
  • I love the library. It’s like having a store that always takes returns.
  • Why am I even trying to drive while holding a vase of flowers in my right hand? Is this more or less dangerous than people who text and drive?
  • Why do you hear about lottery winners, but you never hear about anyone who wins the million dollar sweepstakes award from a soft drink or candy company? Do those contests even have payouts? And if the companies don’t receive press for it, why do they hold those contests? I’m pretty sure it doesn’t affect anyone’s buying decisions.
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