Tag Archives: Deep Thoughts

Three for Thursday: Random Thoughts

21 Mar

Here are three random thoughts from the past few weeks that have no unifying theme and don’t really warrant their own blog posts. But were too ridiculous to not share. Hence, my new feature: Three for Thursday.

Image Source: © 2013 pithypants + CVS PharmacyI stopped by CVS on my way to work one morning last week. Even though I’m a morning person, the time change threw me off, so I was a bit groggy. As I used the self-checkout scanner, the persistent voice asked, “Do you have your Extra Care Card?”

Except my ears were foggy and I heard it as, “Extra HAIR Card.”

And I thought, “Now THAT would be a loyalty program. Hell yeah. Sign me up.”

On that same walk to work, I spotted two cranes in motion, high in the sky. (The construction kind, not the bird kind, but I can see how you might be confused.)

I looked at the little operator booth, some 20+ stories in the air, supported only by the narrow column of scaffolding. I shook my head, thinking, “No way would I ever be a crane operator – I don’t care HOW much the job pays.”

Then I thought, “Do they have to climb down that little ladder every time they have to pee?”

Then I realized they were probably like guys on a roadtrip, priding themselves on being able to pee into any container that had a lid. I shuddered to think of the Mountain Dew bottles the carried back down the ladder with them at the end of the day.

Also? Pretty sure there aren’t any crane operators with Crohn’s.

Image Source: http://cl.jroo.me/z3/4/L/d/e/a.baa-Mouse-Laundry.jpgLaundry Philosophy. Can we agree that it’s not important to sort loads according to color? And that instead it is preferable to sort loads based on what touches your face vs. your butt?

I’d just feel so much better using a cloth napkin at your house if I knew you hadn’t washed it with your like-colored underwear.

Thank you for over-sharing.

12 May

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My yoga instructor this morning was a guy who takes it all a bit too seriously. In addition to wearing nut-huggers, sporting a thick ’70s porno ‘stache and playing a flute during class, he walks around projecting “deep thoughts” in a stage voice during the class.

(If this is ringing a bell: yes, I’ve written about him before.)

Today’s theme was “asking for help.” It was a great message: part of living in – or belonging to – a community is allowing people to help you. It’s good for you, and people enjoy being allowed to help. Nice lesson and I should probably try to follow it more often.

But where it went a bit sideways was in the examples he chose to share with us. During our 90 minute class, I learned:

  • He has a voice coach for opera
  • He has a language coach for foreign languages
  • He has a life/career coach
  • He once had $52,000 in credit card debt
  • He was able to pay it off using a debt relief service

Each revelation made me lose focus on my yoga pose and instead head down a mental HabiTrail of marginally related thoughts.

Of COURSE he has a voice coach! No wonder he always projects his voice like Tobias Funkë. I wonder if he’s capable of a regular conversation without a stage voice? 

I wonder what foreign languages he studies? Italian seems like a no-brainer because of the opera, but I’m also going to vote for Spanish. Because he looks like someone who would like to use authentic pronunciation when ordering at Taco Bell.

A career/life coach? Whoa – that one had her work cut out for her, because I’m not actually seeing opera singer + yoga instructor + floutist as an obvious career path. Also: I didn’t realize one could AFFORD a life coach in pursuing that career path.

Ah ha! Let me guess how you racked up $52k in credit card debt. I’m going out on a limb here, but – was it all the coaches? 

Or maybe it was the flute.

Or the shorts. 

Actually – there’s really just no telling.

I Call It a Brittany S. Pierce Moment.

6 May

I was listening to an audiobook called Rocket Men, about Apollo 11’s Moon Landing, as I walked to work. The author was spending a fair amount of time talking about weightlessness compared the pull of gravity on earth.

And then I had an odd realization: when you think about the Earth pulling on you, it actually makes walking a lot harder. Think about it.

Oh sure, walking is easy for YOU.

Self-absorption: Volume One

30 Jul

Blogging can make a person frightfully self-important. There have been quite a few instances lately when I’ve had a random thought, and on the heels of it, I’ve thought: that is going on the blog. As if other people give a shit about the inner-workings of my warped brain.

Well, it’s Friday and my brain is tired, so here are a few of those random thoughts I’ve noted in the past week. Not because I think you care, but because the well is dry and this is all I can muster:

  • When people see me carrying three cans of Diet Mt. Dew and a box of Tic Tacs down the sidewalk at lunchtime, are they thinking, “What a nice girl, doing a soda run for her office?” or are they thinking, “Holy shit. That girl will be dead in about three years if that’s her lunch?”
  • The article I just read suggested meeting three strangers each week. Does the woman I routinely talk to in the bathroom whose name I don’t know count as one? Or is she not a stranger since we are friendly already?
  • This call is going to suck. I’m going to pretend I’m “playing business” like I did as a kid and just be glad someone else is willing to pretend to be a client.
  • How many other people completely dry their shower before getting out of it? And since I’m essentially wiping it down daily, do I need to clean it each week?
  • I’m not sure if my mute button works. If I refill my cup from the Deer Park jug during this conference call, will someone hear it and think I’m peeing?
  • I’m so glad I have toenails!
  • Why don’t they put the sink outside the bathroom?
  • I love the library. It’s like having a store that always takes returns.
  • Why am I even trying to drive while holding a vase of flowers in my right hand? Is this more or less dangerous than people who text and drive?
  • Why do you hear about lottery winners, but you never hear about anyone who wins the million dollar sweepstakes award from a soft drink or candy company? Do those contests even have payouts? And if the companies don’t receive press for it, why do they hold those contests? I’m pretty sure it doesn’t affect anyone’s buying decisions.

I’m just wondering: when is May 5 just May 5?

6 May

Yesterday all my friends had FB statuses about “Cinco de Mayo” and drinking margaritas or having a Corona for lunch. And I got all excited, thinking – what an AWESOME holiday: it’s like St. Patrick’s day for my Mexican friends!

But – after a bit more thought – I came to the conclusion that it is NOT AT ALL like St. Patrick’s Day. I’m in Chicago and the river here was not dyed green. There were no cloggers dancing on bars. I didn’t hear of anyone going out for “kegs and eggs” in the morning. And – most importantly – I am pretty sure  a saint did not chase snakes out of Mexico, because HELLO – isn’t Mexico home to many a rattler???

I actually have no idea what Cinco de Mayo celebrates – other than a date: May Fifth. (That’s right, I’m spelling it out in case you’re dumb and thought it was some kind of mayonnaise festival, you dingdong. But then again, I just admitted my ignorance, so should I be calling you a dingdong? Probably not.)

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