Yesterday all my friends had FB statuses about “Cinco de Mayo” and drinking margaritas or having a Corona for lunch. And I got all excited, thinking – what an AWESOME holiday: it’s like St. Patrick’s day for my Mexican friends!
But – after a bit more thought – I came to the conclusion that it is NOT AT ALL like St. Patrick’s Day. I’m in Chicago and the river here was not dyed green. There were no cloggers dancing on bars. I didn’t hear of anyone going out for “kegs and eggs” in the morning. And – most importantly – I am pretty sure a saint did not chase snakes out of Mexico, because HELLO – isn’t Mexico home to many a rattler???
I actually have no idea what Cinco de Mayo celebrates – other than a date: May Fifth. (That’s right, I’m spelling it out in case you’re dumb and thought it was some kind of mayonnaise festival, you dingdong. But then again, I just admitted my ignorance, so should I be calling you a dingdong? Probably not.)
And that led me to the following question: How NOT exciting is it to name a holiday after a date? The answer: VERY not exciting. Why do I want to go drink Cuervo? That’s like saying, “SWEET! It’s is October Ten – everyone knock off early and have some vodka! Woo hoo!” Doesn’t really make sense, does it?
For a minute, I became thankful that we Americans don’t celebrate a date. We have Christmas and Halloween and New Year’s and the Fourth of July and — damn. I wonder if people in Mexico are like: “The 4th of July? What a GREAT holiday! Those Americans really cut it up with Budweiser and hot dogs. I mean, they don’t dye the river red or anything, but they know how to party!”
No, I didn’t think so. I suspect other cultures look at the Fourth of July and wonder what we’re celebrating. And then I wonder what percentage of American’s aren’t even sure. I mean, aside from the fireworks.
pithypants 
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