Thank you for over-sharing.

12 May

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My yoga instructor this morning was a guy who takes it all a bit too seriously. In addition to wearing nut-huggers, sporting a thick ’70s porno ‘stache and playing a flute during class, he walks around projecting “deep thoughts” in a stage voice during the class.

(If this is ringing a bell: yes, I’ve written about him before.)

Today’s theme was “asking for help.” It was a great message: part of living in – or belonging to – a community is allowing people to help you. It’s good for you, and people enjoy being allowed to help. Nice lesson and I should probably try to follow it more often.

But where it went a bit sideways was in the examples he chose to share with us. During our 90 minute class, I learned:

  • He has a voice coach for opera
  • He has a language coach for foreign languages
  • He has a life/career coach
  • He once had $52,000 in credit card debt
  • He was able to pay it off using a debt relief service

Each revelation made me lose focus on my yoga pose and instead head down a mental HabiTrail of marginally related thoughts.

Of COURSE he has a voice coach! No wonder he always projects his voice like Tobias Funkë. I wonder if he’s capable of a regular conversation without a stage voice? 

I wonder what foreign languages he studies? Italian seems like a no-brainer because of the opera, but I’m also going to vote for Spanish. Because he looks like someone who would like to use authentic pronunciation when ordering at Taco Bell.

A career/life coach? Whoa – that one had her work cut out for her, because I’m not actually seeing opera singer + yoga instructor + floutist as an obvious career path. Also: I didn’t realize one could AFFORD a life coach in pursuing that career path.

Ah ha! Let me guess how you racked up $52k in credit card debt. I’m going out on a limb here, but – was it all the coaches? 

Or maybe it was the flute.

Or the shorts. 

Actually – there’s really just no telling.

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11 Responses to “Thank you for over-sharing.”

  1. Andrew May 12, 2012 at 11:01 am #

    Whoa, whoa, whoa…Does he really play flute in class? This guy sounds hilarious in “not on purpose” kind of way”. Maybe he’s not so good for your yoga, but great for blogs. Great post!

    • pithypants May 15, 2012 at 9:06 pm #

      He DOES really play the flute in class. And his OM’s are extra long, demonstrating his lung capacity. Clearly his coach did a great job.

      • Andrew May 15, 2012 at 9:22 pm #

        Please film him.

      • pithypants May 15, 2012 at 9:36 pm #

        I am going to get a GoPro camera to attach to a helmet and wear the helmet to yoga so I can film him. Boy, won’t he look ridiculous when I capture him on film!

  2. thesinglecell May 12, 2012 at 11:07 am #

    I hearby christen this dude Aqualung. Also, I failed to maintain the simple pose of Sitting Upright by the time I finished your first paragraph. My head was on the table while I laughed.

    • pithypants May 15, 2012 at 9:06 pm #

      AquaLung. LOVE IT. I hope you know you’ve now ruined yoga for me.

  3. dianeskitchentable May 12, 2012 at 11:40 am #

    Sounds to me like someone I wouldn’t pay too far in advance.

  4. twocentsplus May 12, 2012 at 12:00 pm #

    thanks for a thorough morning out loud laugh!!

  5. lynnettedobberpuhl May 12, 2012 at 9:16 pm #

    So people like that DO exist. Amazing. And to think you’ve met one in its natural habitat. A Ron Burgundy tribute for sure!

    • pithypants May 15, 2012 at 9:05 pm #

      I suppose SOMEONE has to buy those nasty shorts. Otherwise they wouldn’t make ’em.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. How I make friends at yoga… « pithypants - January 4, 2013

    […] gone. I’ve just behaved myself. And haven’t had any instructors who could double as 1970s porn stars to write about. Yes, we’re all […]

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