It’s been a while since I posted about yoga, but it doesn’t mean I haven’t gone. I’ve just behaved myself. And haven’t had any instructors who could double as 1970s porn stars to write about. Yes, we’re all grateful.
And yet… here we are.
Yoga Girl in class, being graceful.
The other week, I attended a fairly crowded class. As we moved through poses, we had to be careful to not accidentally touch our neighbors. In fact, when we all kicked up into Warrior Three (which looks like this) the girl in front of me would’ve knocked my teeth out, had I not approached the pose from a defensive fighting stance, hands blocking my face.
If you aren’t familiar with the practice of yoga, when done properly, it’s both a mental and physical practice. The idea is to let go of your thoughts and be “present,” channeling “loving kindness” to all other forms of life. So instead of shooting daggers at the girl for almost donkey-kicking my face, I was supposed to be sending nice thoughts her way. Let’s just agree that I probably need more practice.
In any case, I accidentally got my revenge. At the end of the class, everyone sprawled out on their mats for savasana, also known as “corpse pose.” You lie there, eyes closed, arms and legs flopped out, experiencing some of the most intense relaxation known to occur without an anesthesiologist. (Too bad Michael Jackson didn’t try yoga first. He’d still be alive.)
If she’d opened her eyes…
As we settled on to our mats and closed our eyes, the instructor gave few last-minute instructions. “Roll your head from side to side, until it naturally settles in a place of balance,” he began. Then, “Windshield-wiper your feet, allowing them to come to rest in a place of ease.”
I windshield-wipered my feet aggressively, quickly flicking them left to right, only realizing as I did so that my feet were touching the head of the girl on the mat “down-river” from my own. I definitely got a couple good back-and-forths in before it registered what I was doing. Which was: basically giving her a scalp massage with my feet.
Donkey Kong: You are welcome. Now that was Loving Kindness.
If she started a band…
pithypants 
Will there be more posts about donkeys?
Oh, it’s on like Donkey Kong.
Hahahaha! Awesome. You still behaved appropriately but got your comeupance without even realizing it at first.
I love it when everything works out without any effort.
Hahaha…I have been absent from the blog world for a while, so I have a lot of catching up to do. I just read this one aloud to my employees…I must say, you always make me laugh and often fall out of my chair laughing!
Careful over there! Falling out of chairs is no joking matter: https://pithypants.com/2011/07/05/this-bodes-well-for-my-stage-debut-on-snl-if-theres-a-prat-fall-in-the-script/