Book Nazi

23 Feb

I love DC’s public libraries. It’s a great system with a wonderful selection and lots of locations. What I don’t love is the woman they’ve hired in the last year to work the desk at MY branch in the West End. I first encountered her three weeks ago in the wake of DC’s big snow storm when I stopped in to pick-up a book they were holding for me.

Note: I said this was in the wake of the storm, so the streets were hardly passable and there was absolutely no parking available. I swung by for what I hoped was a quick errand on my way to stick my car in the parking garage under my office. The challenge was that parking outside the library was lacking.

Because there was NO other traffic, I double parked, right in the middle of the street, turned my hazards on, and ran in. The book was behind the desk, marked with my name, I had my library card in my hand leading me through the door – all told it should’ve been a 30 second transaction.

That is, until I encountered Rita the Regulator. Continue reading →

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Saturday’s Swim: My (OCD) stream of thoughts…

22 Feb

Wow. The water feels colder than usual.

It’s been three weeks. I wonder if I’ll get tired fast.

The bandaid on my thumb is loose.

I hope it doesn’t fall off.

It was nice of that man to share his lane with me.

He doesn’t seem to be doing anything but standing.

Why is he wearing flippers?

There are a lot of kids here today.

How many of them have peed in this water?

Shit. There goes my bandaid.

I wonder if I’ll see it when I swim back the other way.

If I do see it, should I dive down and grab it?

What number lap is this? Seven?

Am I ten percent done already? Awesome!

I’m not as cold as I was when I first jumped in.

There! Is that my bandaid?

I’ll go get it.

Wait. That might not be my bandaid.

Oh my God. I almost touched someone else’s bandaid.

I want to wash my hands.

How ironic would that be?

There’s actually a lot of shit on the bottom of the pool.

I wonder when they’ll vacuum it.

Oh, here comes the guy in the flippers…

How can he be going that slow with flippers?

I wonder if anyone famous has ever swum in this pool.

Probably Mayor Fenty, but he’s not famous.

Is that lifeguard asleep?

He looks like his eyes are closed.

If only I could see him longer.

If someone drowns while he’s sleeping, would I be able to help?

Do I remember how?

The only thing I remember about life guard training is to be careful because a drowning person will try to climb on top of your head.

My aunt is always scared that cats will jump on top of her head.

That’s a weird fear.

What lap am I on?

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Newly discovered laws of physics

20 Feb

I’ve been de-cluttering my cupboards and closets in preparation to put my place on the market. I thought it would be a fairly easy task – I mean, I’m a far cry from a pack rat and quite honestly, in my tiny 1 br condo I only have two closets and five kitchen cabinets. How difficult could it be?

Well, I’ve learned a few things.

Continue reading →

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If you don’t know what it means…

19 Feb

(photo borrowed from http://www.msnbc.com)

It’s been a long time since I’ve tuned into the Today Show, mainly because I’m usually at my desk working by the time it comes on at 7am. This week I had it on in my hotel room while I was getting ready for work, and Tuesday’s show provided a few chuckles and an important lesson:

Act your age. Or, alternatively, don’t use words you don’t understand. I can’t do it justice, so just watch Meredith Viera’s gaffe:

<Watch it HERE>

Continue reading →

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Today’s Flight: My (OCD) stream of thoughts…

18 Feb

Where is my Purell?

I’m glad they sell caramel apples next to my gate.

Even though I used Purell, is it dumb to eat a caramel apple with my fingers on an airplane?

That was good.

I’ll just have one more slice.

Why doesn’t Purell get rid of the stickiness?

Why do I always forget to bring a napkin.

I need one of those wet wipes that I pocketed after the lobster in Boston.

That was weeks ago.

Shit. My cell phone is sticky now.

Who has their shoes off?

Please put them back on your feet.

Oh my God – you are still wearing your shoes?

Amputate your feet.

Seriously, if my feet smelled like that, I would not be able to get far enough away from them.

I would probably throw my back out trying.

That smell is unforgivable.

Did they say I could turn on my electronic device yet?

I just want to take a picture out my window of the skyline with my cell phone.

I’ve definitely done that before on a chartered plane and it didn’t crash.

Or do they just not want us distracted in case there’s a crash, not that the device will cause the crash?

Did I set my phone to airplane mode?

If I didn’t, is it possible it might ring, right now, mid-air?

Man, this would be a perfect shot.

I’m going to do it. I’m just going to turn it on and snap the picture.

Will the guy sitting next to me report me?

Where is the flight attendant with the drink cart?

Will I order a club soda or a glass of wine?

What time is it?

How long is this flight?

I wonder if they have limes.

Why do I smell tuna?

Is the rustling paper bag right behind my seat someone pulling a hot tuna melt out of a bag?

I think it is.

Will the flight attendant let me request a new seat?

I don’t know what smells worse, the feet or the tuna.

Oh – NOW it’s ok to turn on my electronic device. Good.

Wait: maybe I should read my book?

Or take a nap? I *am* kind of tired.

Flying is exhausting.

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