Newly discovered laws of physics

20 Feb

I’ve been de-cluttering my cupboards and closets in preparation to put my place on the market. I thought it would be a fairly easy task – I mean, I’m a far cry from a pack rat and quite honestly, in my tiny 1 br condo I only have two closets and five kitchen cabinets. How difficult could it be?

Well, I’ve learned a few things.

First, apparently I’ve become crafty about getting the most out of every square inch of hidden space in this place. I’m a master of what I’m calling “vertical” storage, where I create two levels of everything within my cupboards. Two tiers of tomato sauce, cereal box stacked on cereal box. It’s clever – I can stock twice as much as anyone who thinks in one level.

BUT, the second thing I’ve learned is the downside to this system: you lose track of whatever is buried on the bottom. This morning, looking to make a bit more space in the cabinet where I store cereal, I started pulling out boxes. As it turns out, there were four boxes of cereal in there, stacked two by two. That’s kind of odd, considering I can’t remember the last time I poured myself a bowl of the stuff.

(Curious, I examined an open box of Captain Crunch. The expiration date? June 2005. Um. Really? I’ve owned that open box of cereal for over FIVE YEARS? Did I say I don’t consider myself a pack rat?)

June 2005 - it was a good year.

As I was pulling the boxes from the cabinet, something struck me: they were all heavier than cereal should be. I freaked myself out thinking that perhaps somehow mice had gotten into them and died (as happened to my friend Shannon in college), adding some weight to the package. (Incidentally, I’ve never seen a mouse in my place, so I’m not really sure how that idea gripped me so fully.) With trepidation, I looked but saw nothing, other than simply cereal inside the bag.

Even so, they were undeniably heavier than cereal ever should be, and most of the boxes were only half full. (See, I’m an optimist!) And from this, I posit a theory: as cereal ages, it re-formulates itself into concrete.

To truly test this theory, I should probably try to EAT the cereal to see if it actually tastes like concrete. But then, I’ve never claimed to be a woman of science. I’ll stick with my TGIFriday potato skins for breakfast, thanks. I’m pretty sure they don’t even have an expiration date.

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