Where is my Purell?
I’m glad they sell caramel apples next to my gate.
Even though I used Purell, is it dumb to eat a caramel apple with my fingers on an airplane?
That was good.
I’ll just have one more slice.
Why doesn’t Purell get rid of the stickiness?
Why do I always forget to bring a napkin.
I need one of those wet wipes that I pocketed after the lobster in Boston.
That was weeks ago.
Shit. My cell phone is sticky now.
Who has their shoes off?
Please put them back on your feet.
Oh my God – you are still wearing your shoes?
Amputate your feet.
Seriously, if my feet smelled like that, I would not be able to get far enough away from them.
I would probably throw my back out trying.
That smell is unforgivable.
Did they say I could turn on my electronic device yet?
I just want to take a picture out my window of the skyline with my cell phone.
I’ve definitely done that before on a chartered plane and it didn’t crash.
Or do they just not want us distracted in case there’s a crash, not that the device will cause the crash?
Did I set my phone to airplane mode?
If I didn’t, is it possible it might ring, right now, mid-air?
Man, this would be a perfect shot.
I’m going to do it. I’m just going to turn it on and snap the picture.
Will the guy sitting next to me report me?
Where is the flight attendant with the drink cart?
Will I order a club soda or a glass of wine?
What time is it?
How long is this flight?
I wonder if they have limes.
Why do I smell tuna?
Is the rustling paper bag right behind my seat someone pulling a hot tuna melt out of a bag?
I think it is.
Will the flight attendant let me request a new seat?
I don’t know what smells worse, the feet or the tuna.
Oh – NOW it’s ok to turn on my electronic device. Good.
Wait: maybe I should read my book?
Or take a nap? I *am* kind of tired.
Flying is exhausting.
pithypants 
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