Something you probably didn’t know about the SuperBowl.

7 Feb

By which I mean: An AWESOME day!

Sunday I learned a Very Important Lesson:

The single best time to go shopping at Target is approximately 15 minutes before the SuperBowl kickoff.

The place was a ghost town. I was almost knocked over by a tumbleweed rolling down the cleaning products aisle. The only other customer I made eye contact with was a woman about my age whose native language was not English.

Lest you think I’m making some racist generalization: I’m not speculating. I know English isn’t her first language. Let me explain.

After finishing with my shopping list, some scented candles caught my eye. I left my cart at the end of the aisle and worked my way along, sniffing every last thing on the shelf and reveling in the fact that I Had Target Practically to Myself.

I nearly hyperventilated, what with all the sniffing. So I didn’t really see the expression on the woman’s face when I returned to my cart, made some kind of odd eye contact with her and headed toward the register to pay.

But about halfway to the register, I looked down and was confused. Somehow, my cleaning supplies and yoga pants had morphed into diapers and baby clothes. Because I was light-headed from the candle sniffing, it took me a minute to process what had happened.

And sheepishly, I turned around to find the woman walking behind me, looking some combination of angry and puzzled that I had taken her cart away. I made a sweeping gesture and started falling all over myself with apologies. I mean, really – in a store with only two shoppers – how do you end up stealing someone else’s cart?

Fortunately, she must have been as blissed out as I was about the store being empty, so she was quick to forgive. She simply smiled, shook her head in an understanding way and said, “Estúpido de mierda.”

And that is how I know she is not a native English speaker. And also? That shopping right before the SuperBowl is the best.

If this had been in my cart, I would not have asked questions.

6 Responses to “Something you probably didn’t know about the SuperBowl.”

  1. fromlifeidletolifefantastic February 7, 2012 at 7:40 pm #

    Holy crap! That’s really funny. I love reading your posts. I think I’ve yet to accomplish stealing another persons cart. It would’ve been really awful had those diapers been accompanied by the baby in the cart!

  2. thesinglecell February 7, 2012 at 8:40 pm #

    If only I didn’t like football, I could get so much done on game days… INCLUDING stealing somebody’s cart. Yeah, that’s right. I could get away with it.

  3. lexy3587 February 8, 2012 at 8:17 am #

    Clearly I should have been planning to get things done on superbowl sunday, instead of spending time doing non-superbowl-hanging out with likeminded non-footballish people. It was fun, but finding parking near an apartment building during superbowl? it’s tough. And this is in Canada, where a much smaller proportion of the population is actually watching it.

  4. Curly Carly February 8, 2012 at 9:48 pm #

    Oh you better believe I’ll be going to Target on Super Bowl day next year.

    Toward the end of college, I was completely over going to our school’s football games and got all of my shopping done during that time. The entire town was at the stadium and I had free reign over every store. It was the best.

    • pithypants February 9, 2012 at 7:53 am #

      Right? What a well kept secret.

  5. inkessence February 13, 2012 at 9:28 pm #

    I used to work at a grocery store, years ago, and anytime the SuperBowl or some other major televised event was on, our store would turn into a “ghost town” too. I loved it… no customers = no work!

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