Archive | 7:03 pm

Something you probably didn’t know about the SuperBowl.

7 Feb

By which I mean: An AWESOME day!

Sunday I learned a Very Important Lesson:

The single best time to go shopping at Target is approximately 15 minutes before the SuperBowl kickoff.

The place was a ghost town. I was almost knocked over by a tumbleweed rolling down the cleaning products aisle. The only other customer I made eye contact with was a woman about my age whose native language was not English.

Lest you think I’m making some racist generalization: I’m not speculating. I know English isn’t her first language. Let me explain.

After finishing with my shopping list, some scented candles caught my eye. I left my cart at the end of the aisle and worked my way along, sniffing every last thing on the shelf and reveling in the fact that I Had Target Practically to Myself.

I nearly hyperventilated, what with all the sniffing. So I didn’t really see the expression on the woman’s face when I returned to my cart, made some kind of odd eye contact with her and headed toward the register to pay.

But about halfway to the register, I looked down and was confused. Somehow, my cleaning supplies and yoga pants had morphed into diapers and baby clothes. Because I was light-headed from the candle sniffing, it took me a minute to process what had happened.

And sheepishly, I turned around to find the woman walking behind me, looking some combination of angry and puzzled that I had taken her cart away. I made a sweeping gesture and started falling all over myself with apologies. I mean, really – in a store with only two shoppers – how do you end up stealing someone else’s cart?

Fortunately, she must have been as blissed out as I was about the store being empty, so she was quick to forgive. She simply smiled, shook her head in an understanding way and said, “Estúpido de mierda.”

And that is how I know she is not a native English speaker. And also? That shopping right before the SuperBowl is the best.

If this had been in my cart, I would not have asked questions.