Archive | 9:58 pm

Tip: Giving Mother Earth the Christmas gift that keeps on giving… no wrap!

13 Dec

I just finished wrapping a few presents and thought this would be a good time to advocate NOT using gift wrap.

To help make my case, a random statistic I found on some random website: If every American family wrapped just one gift a year in fabric, the paper saved could paper 15,000 football fields!

Why we would WANT to paper football fields (or how) is beyond me. And if you try to segue into asking me not to use toilet paper, you will definitely have lost a convert.

But still… I think the message is: let’s try to cut back on gift wrap because it’s a horrible splash in the pan that ends up in a landfill.

You don’t have to sell me – I actually like the way my gifts look (old fashioned) when I wrap them with grocery store paper bags and recycled ribbon:

It makes me feel a little “Martha Stewart” (minus the inside trading charges) to get crafty with my gifts like this. (Side note: a shout out to Trader Joe’s for printing their bags in way that makes them festive without turning them inside out – as evidenced by that far-right gift in the photo above.)

My dinner is less interesting than your panties. Probably.

13 Dec

One of the interesting acoustic features of my condo is that the wall separating my kitchen from my neighbor’s kitchen is strictly a privacy shield. It does nothing to block the noise.

Fortunately, of all the rooms in my place, that’s the one in which I’m most comfortable with eavesdropping (or being overheard). A few months ago I posted on Facebook something along the lines of, “It sounds like my neighbors have a pet goat.” This weekend I got to the bottom of that mystery. It is my neighbor, singing.

Apparently the guy is tone deaf. Saturday night we was in the kitchen loading the dryer and I heard him trying to belt out some hiphop. And it sounded like a goat bleating. Bless his heart.

He interrupted the song to tell someone that it was a good thing he was doing laundry because he was out of clean underwear. He went on to inform us that he had considered turning his underwear inside-out to get a few more days out of them, but had ultimately decided that would just make his pants dirty.

Whew.

I thought about pulling up a chair and just sitting there to see what else I could learn, since the guy was cracking me up, but it was about that time my fire turned all kinds of ape-shit crazy in the living room, forcing me to run out and get my fire extinguisher.

Fast forward to Sunday night. I’m in the kitchen alone, frying up bacon, onion and mushrooms in a skillet. And I find myself saying – to absolutely no one other than myself – “Oh hells yeah. This is some awesomeness right here. A skillet of bacon, onions and mushrooms for dinner? Who’s jealous? Who’s jealous?”

Except, I wasn’t exactly SAYING it. I was kind of shrieking it because I was excited. And that’s when I heard the distinct sound of my neighbor’s dryer starting. Which means he was probably over there pointing at the wall so his girlfriend could hear me going bananas for a non-nutritional dinner.

At least he’s clear: I’m not a goat. Hells no.