Please use the paper towels VERY sparingly.

14 Jul

My mom used to call me Little Miss Know-It-All because it was pretty rare that someone could tell me something without my responding, “I know.” Even if I didn’t know, I knew.

Apparently I haven’t quite grown out of that habit, because in the past month I’ve found myself insulted by some of the advice people have given me. “Do they think I’m stupid?” I’ve bemoaned to Alan. “Of COURSE I’ve done that.”

Admittedly, some of the advice WAS ridiculous.

Like when my icemaker turned my freezer into an ice block and the guy at Ace asked if I had the temperature dial set to a cold setting.

Or when I told my sister that the caulking I had done in my bathtub didn’t set properly and she asked if I was sure I had used caulk. As opposed to… toothpaste.

C’mon people, I’m not a total idiot!

But wait. Apparently I am. Because remember how I started to disassemble my dishwasher because I couldn’t get the door to close? Well. I’ve had another moment that shames me to put in writing, but I must – so that the next time I become indignant, I need a public reminder that I haven’t always exhibited common sense.

The most recent example is last night, when I got out my drill so I could make holes for two anchors above my sink with the intention of mounting my paper towel holder. (Which – as a side note – does beg the question: did the sellers REMOVE theirs and take it with them? Apparently it had sentimental value?)

Anyway, there I am, drill in hand and I CANNOT drill a hole. I check to make sure I have the drill set to “drill” and not “retreat” mode. Yep. It’s definitely spinning in the correct direction.

I try again and make no progress. I think, “Ah ha! Now I know why their holes were lower than mine! There must be metal or something under this paint that makes it impossible to drill.”

I step back and begin assessing a lower target. And then, as I lift the drill, I notice: I have put the drill bit in BACKWARDS. Yes folks, backwards. With the drilly part in the drill and the flat part sticking out. WTF? Even pre-school kids know which part needs to point out of the drill.

I shake my head in disgust, turn the bit around, tighten it in and begin drilling. I set the anchors, pound them in the holes with a hammer and attach the towel dispenser to the wall.

And then I go to slide on a roll of paper towels. And I realize that the reason the previous owners anchored their towel holder so much lower is NOT because the wall was made of steel.  But rather, because rolls of paper towels do not bend.

Let this be a lesson:

I'm not sure if you can see it in this photo, but while the placement of the towel holder *looks* good, in reality, I've placed it where the cabinet prevents me from being able to actually put the roll on the holder without taking it apart everytime. Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's how they *meant* for it work.

I am an idiot. Bring on the dumb advice. I’ll accept it with a smile.

One Response to “Please use the paper towels VERY sparingly.”

  1. Steven July 28, 2010 at 10:48 am #

    Perhaps you should invest in Sham-WOW 🙂

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