I didn’t know walking a dog could be ironic.

5 Mar

I’m dogsitting again. For those who don’t know, I love animals but have commitment issues, so I don’t own one. That, and I travel a lot for work, so it’s not exactly practical.

This is the Wonder Dog (aka “Shadow”) who is my friend while her parents are vacationing:

Yes, she’s as awesome as she looks. Except she’s getting up there in years, so her walks have diminished significantly since I first met her 5+ years ago. She used to easily handle an hour power walk, but now we’re lucky if she goes 20 minutes at a decent clip.

She’s been especially pokey and lethargic this week, so I was considering it an accomplishment if we could circle my (very small) block. Then Alan showed up.

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I would like some credit for showing restraint.

2 Mar

For what it’s worth, I did NOT end up submitting this comment. But for some reason it gave me a massive dose of giggles.

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Somehow, this goes from bargains to bacon with a little French thrown in for kicks.

2 Mar

I’m not a shopaholic by traditional standards. Anyone who has seen my wardrobe will gladly vouch for that.

But I *am* a bargain hunter, so the whole online coupon thing has turned into something of an addiction for me. I subscribe to Groupon, LivingSocial, Homerun and Greenbacks. I’ve bought at least one deal through each of those sites, and multiple deals from multiple cities for Groupon and Living Social.

If you’re not familiar with them, the premise is this: you spend a certain amount of money to get a specific deal (generally twice the value of what you’ve spent). You’re essentially pre-paying to get yourself a 50% discount. The catch is that you have to use your deal before it expires (generally 6-12 months) or the vendor gets your money and you get nothing.

In addition to trying over a dozen restaurants this way, I’ve also purchased:

  • A store credit at French boutique
  • An intro pottery class
  • A helicopter tour of Chicago
  • An Executive Suite at the Wyndham Chicago
  • Yoga classes
  • Massages
  • Amazon gift cards
  • A credit at a wine shop
  • Cupcakes

I’ve tried so many yoga studios in DC this way, I could probably write an educated article reviewing them for Yoga Journal.

Anyway, the deal that has me WILDLY excited (to the point that it’s why I even started this post) is a six month membership to Arganica. Argani-wha?

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A rose by any other name wouldn’t smell like Franco.

28 Feb

I just got home from the hospital (third time in two weeks – does that earn me a free visit next time?) because my left calf did its whole “swell to the size of your thigh” trick again as I left work. (More on that later – both the crazy ass people I met at the hospital and the diagnosis. In a nutshell: I’m fine but my veins are lazy.)

Anyway, because I was eager to put the hospital behind me quickly, one of the first things I did was check my blog traffic. And in addition to the regular hits, do you know what? I’ve had four search engine hits direct people to my blog because my pre-Oscar post referred to the hosts as Anne Hathaway and James DeFranco. Apparently, the name is James Franco. And yet, not one, but FOUR individual jackasses looked for James DeFranco.

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Kind of a stream of consciousness – but actually my tweets.

28 Feb

Last night I tuned in *briefly* to the Oscar’s red carpet arrivals via a live stream on line. Not that you care, but here is what I tweeted as a result.

Leo DiCaprio’s date is HUGE. Who’s the linebacker?

Oh wait – turns out it’s not Leo. That’s the director of Inception.

That makes more sense. You don’t go from Giselle to Girth.

I wonder if the director of Inception cast Leo because he looks like him?

Helena Bonham Carter looks like she hates this stuff. Why do introverts become actors? Don’t they realize this is part of it?

Gwyneth weighs approximately one pound. I could break her.

Has Donald Trump ever married a woman with a normal name? Melania? Sounds like a country.

Natalie Portman looks great. I love purple. Where is the dude who knocked her up? He should be walking the carpet with her.

Halle. Berry. Is. The. Most. Beautiful. Woman. Ever. FLAWLESS.

I understand that Jennifer Hudson lost massive amounts of weight. But I’d like to high-five the surgeon who gave her those breasts. That was a feat.

Jacki Weaver – I don’t know who you are, but if there’s a biopic of Katie Couric and someone needs to play the fatter, older version of her – it’s YOU!

Cate Blanchett – your dress looks like it’s missing something. Were you hoping for sponsorship?

Sharon Stone: you’ve had some work done, but I think it was paid under the table. Woof.

Christian Bale’s beard looks like something people should clean golf cleats on.

This morning I watched the highlights of the Oscars and it turns out Anne Hathaway and James Franco were as horrible as I predicted.

One tip for the producers? They might want to call this guy, to host next year. Sure, he probably couldn’t work off a script, but on the up-side, they wouldn’t have to pay Bruce Valance, and they’d be sure to get more that polite titters from the audience. Because everyone likes a train wreck.

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