Tag Archives: immaturity

That’s not gonna earn you a tip, kid.

16 Feb

Tonight I whipped in a take-out place to grab dinner so I could get some work done in my hotel room. The kid ringing up my order had a total Justin Bieber haircut (old school, not current) and appeared to be about two months older than the legal employment age (16.2?).

After I ordered a personal pizza, he said, “Would you like some bread and butter with that?”

I shook my head. He said, “Right? Isn’t that the most awkward thing to ask? Like – dude – you just ordered a pizza. Do you want some MORE bread with that?”

I agreed. “Exactly. Do you want some carbs to go with your carbs? No? Then how ’bout just a side of carbs?”

We were cracking up and for a split second I forgot our twenty year age difference and was willing to consider him a peer.

That is, until he took my credit card and said, “Whoa. This card is really funky. What kind is it?”

“Ann Taylor Loft,” I replied.

He nodded. “I know that store…”

Then, after a pause, he added, “Yeah. My mom shops there.”

…And… Scene…

Thanks, kid. Now go buy yourself some Noxema and finish your homework.

I would like some credit for showing restraint.

2 Mar

For what it’s worth, I did NOT end up submitting this comment. But for some reason it gave me a massive dose of giggles.

Again, THIS is how people find me?

28 Jun

Today’s three google searches that led people to my blog:

  • wow chips warning label
  • fail motto’s <sic>
  • are kashi bars causes of anal leakage

Seriously? Does this mean that if I ever become famous for blogging, it will only be within the poop community? (Whatever THAT is. I don’t even know, but I think I’d have banner ads sponsored by IBD medications… which, if you Google them – as I just did – you will find all seem to have “ass” as part of their commercial name. Ironic, no?)

Anyway, I kind of wish I had an Advice Column, because I would LOVE some details on that third person who got super specific about his supposed connection between Kashi and leakage. Here’s what I think his letter would read:

Dear Pithypants,

I’m hoping you can help me, because I fear there is a causal relationship between eating Kashi bars and crapping myself at work without realizing it. Can you please confirm that this is, in fact, the case?

Sincerely,

Perhaps Out Of Possibilities (Poop)

My response would be:

“Depends on how you tried to insert it. More details please.”

And yes, that is why I will never have a famous blog. Because nothing 12-year olds say is riveting.

Wow. Who knew it was enough of a problem that someone started a group?