Tag Archives: dog poop

I didn’t know walking a dog could be ironic.

5 Mar

I’m dogsitting again. For those who don’t know, I love animals but have commitment issues, so I don’t own one. That, and I travel a lot for work, so it’s not exactly practical.

This is the Wonder Dog (aka “Shadow”) who is my friend while her parents are vacationing:

Yes, she’s as awesome as she looks. Except she’s getting up there in years, so her walks have diminished significantly since I first met her 5+ years ago. She used to easily handle an hour power walk, but now we’re lucky if she goes 20 minutes at a decent clip.

She’s been especially pokey and lethargic this week, so I was considering it an accomplishment if we could circle my (very small) block. Then Alan showed up.

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Your dog sleeps with the fishes…

8 Jul

My mind works frighteningly well when it comes to revenge.

For example, the other day a friend shared a Facebook post with me via email that said, “What do i do with the cockroach i taped into the bathroom sink?”

My response (which was about as reflexive as breathing), was, “I assume you closed the drain and put tape over the overflow hole? In that case, I recommend you pour Dran-O down the hole, light a match, drop that down the hole, urinate into the hole  via a funnel, then send aphids down. Other than that, I’m at a loss.”

Alan’s response to that was, “Remind me never, ever to make you mad.”

That’s sage advice, because I come by this revenge thing honestly. It’s in my genes.

Growing up, we knew that the “I don’t get mad, I get even,” mug belonged to my mother. And if you used it, well… you could expect consequences.

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