I’m supposed to be the only one who takes a job THAT seriously

3 Apr

Dear Mr. Rooster,

Yes, I hear you. It’s 6:46am and because I’m a freak of nature, I’ve been up and working since 5:30am. So yes, I heard your very first cockadoodledoo this morning, and to your credit, I thought it was cute. “Ah look,” I said to myself, “I’m in the COUNTRY. A natural alarm clock!” I kicked my feet around in my soft line-dried sheets, enjoyed the unseasonably warm breeze that blew through my window and reveled in all things rural.

But you’ve been going at this for a solid 15 minutes now, and I’m beginning to wonder: Where is the fire? You’re starting to sound hoarse and I don’t understand how you’re even finding time to breathe between bleets any more. I appreciate your dedication, but buddy, it’s a Saturday. I hate to break it to you, but I don’t think anyone is listening.

Oh wait – apparently your friend, Lazy Dan, can hear you, because now he’s joined you. Only, he sounds more like he’s screaming bloody murder than actually crowing. The two of you make quite a tag team out there. He’s Laverne to your Shirley – or perhaps Lennie to your Squiggy? Between the two of you, I’m thinking the sound of police sirens and chopper blades in DC would be a bit more restful.

In closing, a question for you: how did you reset your clock for Daylight Savings Time? I mean, it’s not like you wear a wristwatch on that little foot of yours, and I can’t imagine that three weeks ago you were cawing at 5:45 am.

That’s all. Keep up the good work over there. I’m sure our neighbors appreciate your efforts, even if they’re blatantly ignoring you and sleeping in this morning. At least I hope so, because otherwise you might be on the path to cock soup.

Regards,

Alison

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Don’t get pissy just because I have a coupon…

31 Mar

Saturday night Alan and I went to Scion for dinner. We don’t eat out that often, and since I’m in the process of buying a new place, I’m hyper-sensitive to every line item on my bank account. As a result, our dining decisions are made on the basis of my Groupon selection. (Groupons are deals where you spend money in advance to get twice that amount as a credit at a bar/restaurant.)

In this case, I had spent $20 to receive a $40 credit at Scion. I’ll admit, I always feel a little awkward about busting out a coupon. The saving grace of Groupon is that it’s popular, so EVERYONE uses them, not just the frugal-minded.

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Why I suck at selling my place…

31 Mar

In my case, this would read "awkward."

Yesterday I was told an agent would stop by my place between 6-7 pm. I lost track of time working and glanced at the clock at 6:55. “Well, obviously they’re a no show,” I thought to myself. I decided to run across the street to Safeway to pick up a baguette for dinner since I had awesome wedges of brie and manchego in the fridge.

Ten minutes later, I bounced off the elevator, key-in-hand as I approached my door, only to see that it was open. Hmmm. Did I leave that door cracked? (It’s possible – sometimes when I leave in a hurry, I’ll slam it and it bounces. If I don’t do the deadbolt, then…) I listened: VOICES inside my place.

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Restaurant Review: It’s Not a Red State, It’s a Rogue State

28 Mar

This week I met my friend Lisa for lunch. Eating anywhere other than hunched over my laptop is something of a novelty, so trying a new restaurant is like icing on the cake. We opted for Rogue States, a burger joint that’s popped up in recent months just south of Dupont Circle.

The menu is pretty simple: there are seven types of burgers, each priced at $7 with free toppings (including lettuce, grilled onions, pickles and tomatoes) and options for “extras” like bacon or cheese for an additional buck. As for how well you’d like your burger, be prepared to say only “pink” or “not pink” because you won’t have more options than that.

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My agent is happy, but he isn’t gay.

28 Mar

I have a whole new appreciation for families who are trying to sell a house. As a single person, it’s proving to be quite the chore to keep my place spotless and vacant on the weekends.

Take yesterday: I wanted to lounge in bed doing a bit of work, then hit a yoga class. My phone started ringing off the hook at 9am with agents eager to bring buyers over. When I pieced together the various requests, I needed to vacate my place from 10am – 4pm to accommodate everyone.

My solution? I went to the pool at 10am, swam a mile and a half, showered and primped there before meeting Alan at my place around noon. We walked down to the Mall to see the Kite Festival and Cherry Blossoms, and essentially killed enough time to leave the realtors in peace. Thankfully it wasn’t a rainy, lie in bed and nurse a hangover kind of day. I would’ve been screwed.

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