Hind-sight is 20/20. As are belated comebacks.
Everyone has that moment, well after the comic timing has run out, when they realize what they should’ve said or done in a situation. Right? I think entire episodes of Seinfeld were based on this.
I pride myself on being pretty good at being snappy in the moment – sometimes a bit too snappy, since I’ve been accused of being stuck in “perpetual smartass mode” by a few people. (You know who you are.)
And yet, my instincts failed me Sunday night when I saw the driver who hit me last year. I simply ducked my chin and kept walking, just trying to avoid a conversation since I knew how long-winded she could be. (I shuddered to think how she stayed at the hospital, telling me her life story while I waited for an MRI. Let’s just say, I could ghost write her memoirs without a follow-up interview.)
Anyway. Afterward, I chatted with Alan, telling him I’d seen her.
Alan: What did you do? Me: What do you mean? Alan: Did she recognize you? Me: No! I kept my chin down and went by as fast as I could. Alan: But she was in her car? Me: Yep. The same car. <<PAUSE. Slow dawning of an epiphany.>> Me: You know what I should’ve done? Alan: Waved? Me: No. Better. Alan: What? Me: I should’ve rolled across her hood. Alan: Huh? Me: Instead of walking in front of her car – I should’ve just rolled across her hood and kept walking. Alan: Dude. She was so traumatized last year – that would’ve pushed her over the edge. Me: Probably. She would either weep that she’d hit two pedestrians… Alan: Or? Me: Recognize me and think that I had actually flung myself into her windshield the first time on purpose. Alan: Brilliant.…
Fortunately, I know where she lives, so there’s always time for a do-over. I’ll let you know how it goes.
It would've looked kind of like this. Except I wasn't wearing a pervy trenchcoat.
pithypants 
LOL!! Wow – total Seinfeld conversation… I am the queen of hindsight comebacks.. sort of obsessive in a semi-creepy way.
Great post!