I have *just* the gift for you.

30 Dec

What? It's just a foot spa.

Backstory: I live below an otherwise nice guy (Matthew) who makes a ridiculous amount of noise. I’m convinced he and his partner (Jack) actually stable a horse and lead it from room to room with bowling balls dragging behind it periodically. Did I mention that they have hard wood floors?

The following is a transcript from my chat with Alan this morning.

Alan:  hi there! how was yoga this morning?

me:  great! matthew helped ensure i made it by firing up the stomping machine around 5am.

Alan:  i guess he’s good for something once in a while

Alan: maybe we should have gotten him and Jack christmas presents – like weight loss videos?

me:  or amputatations  😀

Alan: do they have gift certificates for that? or would we just offer to do an amateur job for them?

me:  give them a wood chipper

Alan:  nice

me:  and tell them it’s a foot spa!

Alan:  maybe we should have gotten them really big, fluffy slippers with super-padded soles

me:  filled with razor blades!

Alan:  okay. we’re not going the compromise route this morning. I get it. 

6 Responses to “I have *just* the gift for you.”

  1. Richard Barney December 30, 2011 at 2:36 pm #

    I appreciate that Alan understands when not to ruin a good “mad on” from you!

  2. Kimberly Pugliano December 30, 2011 at 2:42 pm #

    Hahaha! Awesome mixed with awful. Brilliant!

  3. Darlene Steelman December 30, 2011 at 4:16 pm #

    As someone who had ridiculously loud upstairs neighbors.. I can relate to this. I am taking a page from your book and laying on the sarcasm the next time I see the woman upstairs (the hubby and baby have feather feet).

    She hides from me.. . but I’ll get her!

    • pithypants January 3, 2012 at 8:05 pm #

      Here’s my tip. The next time you run into her, say, “Wow, are you losing weight? You sound much lighter on your feet up there.” If she continues to stomp, she’s going to feel like a fat ass.

  4. cassiebehle January 3, 2012 at 5:42 pm #

    My upstairs neighbors are SO LOUD! When you figure it out, lemme know!

    • pithypants January 3, 2012 at 8:06 pm #

      I’ve considered taping a bull horn to the ceiling, right under their bed, with a cord that hangs off the trigger so I can pull it on my way to/from the bathroom at 3am. Just to interrupt their REM.

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