Archive | 2:05 pm

Crust be with you. And also with you.

24 Dec

I’m mildly obsessed with efficiency, so it’s not surprising that the madness surrounding the holidays – all the people and all the lines – brings out the worst in me. Fortunately, it brings out the best in others, or I would’ve found myself in a real pickle this morning.

My parents sent me to the grocery store to pick-up a last minute item, and I located it quickly. But then, when it came time to pay, the checkout lanes were overflowing with people. I looked down at the single item in my hand and then – miraculously – spotted an opening in the self-checkout area.

I bolted for it, just beating out a slowly moving couple headed in the same direction. Triumphant, I scanned my pie crust, thinking I’d model efficiency for everyone standing behind me. Except, just after the scanner registered my item, I realized there was already a PILE of groceries sitting in the bagging area.

About that time, a guy came over and said, “Hey there! I’m almost done,” not realizing that I’d already scanned my item.

I fell over myself apologizing, as I pointed to the screen. “I’m so sorry, but I think it already scanned it…”

He looked, and – sure enough – my pie crust was among the forty other items he’d rung up. “I’ll get a cashier to come void it,” I suggested. He glanced at the line forming behind him.

“Nah,” he said. “Forget it. It’s Christmas. Your crust is on me. Merry Christmas!”

And Merry Christmas to you, sir. Or – as I’m going to start calling December 24: Crustmas.

When life resembles a cartoon…

24 Dec

Last weekend the weather was gorgeous, so I set out on a walk to get a bit of exercise. About two blocks south of my house, I slipped on something and almost fell. It happened so suddenly, I grabbed at a wrought iron fence to keep my footing, which explains how I didn’t end up completely biting it, but instead walked away with a significant bruise on my forearm.

Being across the street from the dog park, I mentally cringed as I turned to see what I had stepped in, imaging a pile of dog crap with a a footprint impressed in the middle of it. Instead, I found a smeared banana.

Yes, a banana. The fruit part. Not the peel. As if someone had peeled a banana and the banana fell out onto the sidewalk, and they just shrugged and kept walking. (Or, perhaps it was deliberate, and they were hiding in a nearby bush with a FlipCam.)

I stood there for a full minute with my mouth agape. I thought this only happened in the cartoons. Specifically, to Wile E. Coyote. Not to a human, and definitely anywhere but (potentially) in the produce aisle of a supermarket. Not on an urban street in the middle of December.

Having had a week to reflect on it, I’ve decided that – like how it’s good luck when a bird poops on you – slipping on a banana is a good omen for the year ahead. Because otherwise? I’m going to waste a lot of time looking out for the RoadRunner.

Next time, I'll be prepared.