Enlisting Facebook: my passive-aggressive war on noise.

6 Nov

I don’t use the “Places” function on Facebook that often, mainly because I don’t need my stalkers to know exactly where I am at all times. But also because I don’t want burglars to know when I’m not at home. (And stop thinking, “Paranoid much?” because I’m not. Everyone should be obsessed with stalkers and burglars.)

Anyway, tonight – curled in the comfort of my recliner next to the fireplace – it occurred to me that I’m such a homebody, the place I would “check-in” the most would be my home. So out of curiosity, I did a quick search to see if it was already established as an official Place on Facebook.

Alas, it was not, but – in addition to the bars, restaurants and gyms that surround my condo – I did find a couple places I think it would be fun to select when I’m home.

  1. Freedom Market: This is the bodega on the corner where I buy my Diet Mountain Dew when the Safeway down the street runs out. It’s a tiny shop run by an Asian family (assuming the clerks own it), and the 80% of the space is dedicated to beer and wine.
  2. Strivers’ Section Historic District: Until tonight, I didn’t realize that my section of Dupont Circle had a specific name. Shamefully, I had to Wikipedia it. It’s pretty cool that Langston Hughes probably walked past my building on a daily basis… and that I now regularly walk past the homes that Frederick Douglass built.

It got me to thinking about creating a place for MY building, so people could check-in here. And then, because my neighbor Michael started stomping around above me, bringing my blood to a boiling point, I decided I could stage a social media campaign to silence him.

Let me back-up. If you’ve read my blog in the past six months, you know that I moved into a new place. And that while I love it, the one thing I hate is my neighbor’s noise. His floors are squeaky and he sleeps ONLY from 12-4am everyday. Other than those four hours of silence (assuming he doesn’t have insomnia) he is in perpetual motion, squeaking the floors like it’s his job. Last night Alan and I were awoken at 3:30am and the noise didn’t stop until 2pm, when I finally was able to sneak in a nap. My sleep schedule is seriously off and it’s a good night if I can get more than four hours uninterrupted.

So back to the social media campaign. I’ve tried the direct route with my neighbor, trying to work with him to see if I can get him to be a bit more considerate. Since that hasn’t worked, and since firing a handgun through my ceiling isn’t exactly an option, I thought it might be fun if – when he has friends over – they saw the following Place to check-in on Facebook:

As I think about this, I like the possibilities. Imagine the fun if I were to “friend” him on Facebook, then whenever he started making noise, I could “check-in” to Stompy McStomperson’s House and “tag” him in the place with me so it would show up on his News Feed as well? Subtle, yet shaming.

Of course, it might be easier if I just take a hammer and pound the floor of his bedroom every night between 12-4am until he’s so exhausted he can’t wake-up. Or send him a Christmas present from this site.

2 Responses to “Enlisting Facebook: my passive-aggressive war on noise.”

  1. Alicia November 8, 2010 at 12:23 pm #

    Oh, I like it so very much.


  1. So you thought YOUR Monday was bad? « pithypants - November 16, 2012

    […] raced upstairs and pounded on my neighbor’s (of Mr. Stompy fame) door. As soon as he saw me he said, “We have it under control,” before I could even […]

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