So you thought YOUR Monday was bad?

16 Nov

I was working from home, sitting in the living room, immersed in a project on my laptop. Curiously, down the hall it suddenly sounded like my shower was running. But with much more water pressure than usual.

After a split second pause in which my thought bubble would’ve said, “Does. Not. Compute,” I hopped up, ran down the hall and turned on the light – just in time to see water pouring through my bathroom fan and on to my toilet. Um.

I raced upstairs and pounded on my neighbor’s (of Mr. Stompy fame) door. As soon as he saw me he said, “We have it under control,” before I could even tell him I had water coming through my ceiling. Then he said, “I’ll be right down.”

I nodded and left. [When telling Alan this story he suggested that I should’ve said, “Control? Your definition of control involves water pouring through my fan? I think we need to revisit your grasp of the word.”]

When I got back downstairs, I was glad to see that the flow had reduced to a trickle, so I started mopping up the water. But although it was clear, it had a certain, suspicious eau de parfum to it that made me think of sewage.

When this dawned on me, I froze and stared at my hands, simultaneously kicking myself for not being the type of person to use yellow rubber cleaning gloves and wondering how scalding I’d have to make the water to feel my hands had been adequately cleaned. About this time, there was a knock on my door.

I opened it and my neighbor came in. “Let me see what’s happening,” he asked, moving  toward my bathroom without waiting for an invitation. “So what happened,” he explained, “Is that Jude clogged the toilet. But he doesn’t understand how things work – I’m the fixer in this relationship – so he freaked out and tried to plunge it but then flushed before it had worked.”

I stared up in horror. “So this is an overflowed toilet?”

Michael nodded, taking it in stride. “Yeah. We just need to give it a minute and let it go back down before we plunge it. This toilet is so finicky. I could flush a BRICK down my other one – and sometimes I practically do – but this one? Not a chance!”

I was still looking at the ceiling, trying to understand how something overflowed so dramatically into my bathroom. And trying to process that I had, in fact, been sopping up my neighbor’s fecal water.

Apparently Michael thought I was staring at the ceiling because of the incessant squeaking come from the floorboards. “I need to get back up there – I can hear Jude pacing,” he gestured. “This has him really upset.”

Really upset? Upset that he doesn’t know how to work a plunger? Or upset that he essentially took a shit in my bathroom? Because I’d be willing to let him feel better if he wants to come down and scrub this joint.

9 Responses to “So you thought YOUR Monday was bad?”

  1. rubyrites November 16, 2012 at 7:07 am #

    Ahh, your spirit is inspiring, despite the fecal matter incident. Have a great day! XO Ruby

    • pithypants November 26, 2012 at 6:58 pm #

      Thanks, Ruby! At least my spirit is buoyant. If not my neighbor’s turds.

  2. dianeskitchentable November 16, 2012 at 11:27 am #

    I clicked ‘like’ meaning I love your postings but not the incident…you get that right? I think you win the shitty day of the week award & I always wonder in situations like this … how much skin do you think you’d really lose with a quick dunk in boiling water? I’ll pretend to ignore your neighbor’s comment about flushing a brick – do not want to visualize what he means by that.

    • pithypants November 26, 2012 at 6:57 pm #

      Funny you should wonder how much skin comes off when boiling your arms. I can tell you. Not quite third degree, but enough that you know the germs are gone. I recommend it.

      • dianeskitchentable November 27, 2012 at 2:56 pm #

        Good to know & I’m sure the skin will grow back just fine without any strange sores.

      • pithypants November 29, 2012 at 9:08 pm #

        Just buy stock in Neosporin.

  3. thesinglecell November 24, 2012 at 7:37 pm #

    Yyyyeah. That’s gross. Happened to me once too, almost the exact same scenario, and they were similiarly clueless. Here’s another thought: next time you turn on your fan? Aspirating on human waste. Just sayin’.

    • pithypants November 26, 2012 at 6:54 pm #

      How can this be a common problem? I would think there would be no upper levels if this happened more than twice. Or maybe we’re the only people who it’s happened to?

      • thesinglecell November 26, 2012 at 8:17 pm #

        There was a nuanced difference: Yours was coming through a vent. Mine was coming through the light fixture. Sizzle sizzle, fo’ rizzle, ma nizzle.

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