When is a melon just a melon?

17 Apr

Today I saw a bumper sticker that said, “stop to squeeze the melons of life,” and I wondered if by melons it meant breasts.

And then, because “stop” wasn’t capitalized, I got worried that part of the sticker was missing, and it originally said, “I stop to squeeze the melons of life.” The reason I was worried was because maybe it was actually a warning, like “I brake for children” or “I make wide left turns” and it was possible that if I let my mind wander, I might rear-end this guy, because there were a lot of breasts ahead of us walking along the sidewalk.

But then we drove past them, and I didn’t rear-end him, so I figured he either actually meant melons, or that there never was an “I” on the sticker. Even so, I’m glad today wasn’t the farmer’s market. No need to bait the guy with produce stands.

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