Tag Archives: Bathroom Humor

Exactly WHERE are you putting that butt wipe?

13 Feb

Apparently they just put a baby on the label because it's less frightening than a middle aged man or a dog.

I stopped by CVS on my way home from yoga this morning to pick up some nail glue for my thumb. (Last week I sliced right through it with a serrated knife, and as it’s growing out, it’s getting UGLY.)

Anyway, I’m standing there, considering my options, shoulder to shoulder with a somewhat prissy man facing the opposite shelf. He was on his cell phone, and as such, in something of a privacy bubble that be believes makes his conversation impossible to overhear. NOT.

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It’s not a true Snowpacolypse until you run out of toilet paper

8 Feb

This is probably a chicken's dream: no eggs.

It has been 48 hours since the snow tapered off, leaving us with approximately two feet on the ground. Frighteningly, the Weather Channel is calling for an additional 10-20″ of fresh powder tomorrow.

Yes, this the same girl who was jumping out of her skin at the initial forecast of 24 inches, so you might be asking yourself, “What has changed?” Well, I’ll tell you what has changed.

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I need to blow off a little steam, Dick.

4 Feb

It’s rare that I feel like I’m walking around under a dark cloud. I generally consider myself a lucky person.

But tonight, Lady Luck was not on my side.

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Odd Home Remedies

3 Feb

It seems like it’s been a longer-than-normal and drier-than-average winter. My hands and lips are cracked, and every morning I wake up with a dry and crusty nose. (Apologies in advance – this post will get worse before it gets better.)

In fact, it’s been so dry I’ve woken with a bloody nose more than once, and more often than not these days, my Kleenex looks like it’s filled with Fruity Pebbles when I blow my nose. (Ewwww… there, I said it so you don’t have to.)

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Third eye blind?

2 Feb

I promise, this won’t become a blog about yoga. I’m more than one-dimensional, even if I’m not acting like it.

That said, this post is about a random thought that occurred to me during yoga tonight.

We very often are instructed to “connect our hands in prayer in front of our hearts” with our eyes closed. Cool. That’s self-explanatory.

Tonight, my instructor Ximena – a name that I swear I didn’t know how to properly pronounce until I heard her say it in class three months ago – gave slightly different instructions. What she said made me want to crack my eyes a slit and see if we had any new male yogis in the room. She said:

Join your hands in prayer.

Now place them in front of your Third Eye.

Am I the only person who finds it plausible that a new student might – just MIGHT – drop his hands instead of raise them? I’m just wondering.

And yes, this is where my mind goes when I am supposed to be sending loving kindness to the world. I can only hope that karma turns a blind eye.

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