Tag Archives: Bathroom Humor

Warning: Clumping litter will stick to your (cat’s) balls

4 Mar

I find that people who travel a lot tend to lean on Facebook more than the general population. I know I do, and it’s probably some combination of interesting things happening when I travel and a need to feel connected to friends back home. My friend Brian travels for work as much as I do, and I enjoy keeping one eye trained to his posts when he’s on the road.

This week, he did not disappoint:

When I read this, I was rolling. In the follow-up to this thread, Brian went on to explain that the girl’s father asked the gate attendant to repeat what she’d just said. The woman obliged, but substituted the word “balls” in place of “testicles” – presumably because she understood she had a more mature audience.

I appreciated her use of the proper anatomical terms with the little girl. Growing up, my parents did the same. (Maybe because my dad was biology teacher?) I don’t think my sister or I even knew what “Going #1 or #2” meant until we went to school and heard our classmates saying it.

In fact, one of often retold family stories is about my sister, who – as a four year old child – contracted a bladder infection while my family was on vacation visiting relatives in Alabama. My parents took her to the doctor, a sweet old southern man, who asked her, “Honey, does your tee-hee hurt when you tinkle?”

My sister looked him in the eye and said, “No, but my vagina burns when I urinate.”

Passive aggressive styling tools?

1 Mar

Shall we agree that it's ironic (or appropriate) that it's called a blow dryer?

To quote a wise man: never trust a fart.

26 Feb

This is about the last existing photo of WOW chips. Lay's has done an amazing job scrubbing any reference to WOWs from the internet. That's SEO well played.

Remember when WOW potato chips came out in the late 1990s? They were the first – and to my knowledge – ONLY food to ever bear the warning that they may cause anal leakage. At the time, they were the subject of many late night jokes, and my colleague Sara dared to test the warning by consuming an entire bag in one sitting.

Her response: “Wow!”

Apparently the chip was well named and the warning well phrased. Score one for marketers AND the USDA. (Ironically, they ended up re-branding as “Ruffles Light” because they became infamous: deduct one for both marketers and Olestra.)

It got me to thinking that THAT was a good practice. Why don’t companies include warnings on any food that might spoil a date (as opposed to simply including a spoiled-by date)?

Based on the number of times the word “shart” has worked itself into a text from one of my friends (and you know who you are), I’m thinking there are PLENTY of foods (or people) that would be well-served by a cautionary label.

I won’t share the stories that accompany these foods (must protect the innocent – at least until I have a bottle of wine in me) but here’s a list that may cause disastrous results if consumed:

  • Kashi frozen pizza
  • Kashi Go Lean Crunch
  • Fiber One bars
  • Atkins diet
  • Kielbasa and sauerkraut
  • More than three diet sodas in one day

This is by no means a complete list, but it’s a starting point. In any case, don’t say you haven’t been warned. And feel free to add to this list or add your own cautionary tales – consider it an act of citizenship.

If you don’t know what it means…

19 Feb

(photo borrowed from http://www.msnbc.com)

It’s been a long time since I’ve tuned into the Today Show, mainly because I’m usually at my desk working by the time it comes on at 7am. This week I had it on in my hotel room while I was getting ready for work, and Tuesday’s show provided a few chuckles and an important lesson:

Act your age. Or, alternatively, don’t use words you don’t understand. I can’t do it justice, so just watch Meredith Viera’s gaffe:

<Watch it HERE>

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Because massage is an Olympic sport

15 Feb

To celebrate Valentine’s Day, last night Alan and I attended a 2.5 hour Thai massage workshop offered by an instructor at my yoga studio. We both like to rub and be rubbed, so I thought it sounded fun.

The vibe was a bit like what I suspect one experiences at a Lamaze class – couples huddled together on blankets with men exhibiting varying levels of interest and embarrassment. Almost immediately, one couple stood out.

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