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Another reason I love the internet…

22 Nov

A few years ago, my sister visited me in DC and brought my two nephews. While she was here, she made arrangements to meet up with one of her friends for lunch, so I took the boys to the zoo to entertain them. I’d forgotten about this, until I stumbled upon what must be one of the most priceless photos on the internet. (Wait for it…)

Let me set the stage: the day I took my nephews to the National Zoo, it was hosting the Black Family Reunion, so it was fairly crowded. As we walked past the exhibits, nothing really held my nephews’ attention: until we walked past the horses. “Look!” James pointed, “That horse is totally pooping!”

As I followed his arm, I noticed  that an unusual number of people were lining the fence, staring in the same direction, with incredulous looks on their faces. And that’s when I saw it: the stallion had a full erection that was swinging side to side, only inches above the ground, like a metal detector scanning for coins.

My other nephew saw it and yelled, “Gross!” Then, “Wait! It looks like he’s pulling the poop back up inside him!”

As I was receiving this play by play, I could hear the other guests around me, shouting things like, “He needs him a lady!” and, “Oh no he didn’t! No he didn’t!”

It was about that time I began tugging my nephews’ arms in earnest. “Let’s get out of here,” I said, “That’s nasty!” and they eventually began walking again. I got the giggles, thinking how I’d tell my sister that our trip to the zoo ended up with the boys being exposed to an 18″ horse penis.

But then I found this photo on the internet, and it made me realize that THESE GUYS probably have the best story anyone can ever introduce at a cocktail party:

That kid about to fall of the back? His teacher will definitely regret assigning the old "What I Did on Summer Vacation" essay.

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When technology is smarter than we are…

8 Nov

…there will be problems.

Sounds like we go to the same doctor.

My first auto-correct on the iPhone was when I texted my friend Liz with the intention of saying, “See you tonight” and instead said, “See you robot!” There have been others, but unfortunately, I didn’t have the presence of mind to take a screen capture.

Fortunately, other people did – and they started a whole website dedicated to capturing them: Damn You AutoCorrect.

Check it out during your next lunchbreak – assuming you aren’t feasting on a new treasure from your dick cookbook. <–That will make so much more sense if you actually check out the site.

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I hate to break it to him, but I’m already taken…

27 Oct

Remember how impressed I was with the single-mindedness (if not the creativity) of this guy:

Well, apparently he has competition. Look who hit my blog’s spam filter this week:

While it might be a bit of a stretch to compare someone hawking car rims via my blog to courtship, I think we’re probably all in agreement: Suitor #1 is going to get my business.

Why? Here’s the analysis for the slow learners in the crowd:

“I Like Car Rims” is sort of like that stammering shy kid who had a crush on you in seventh grade. He might even be mildly autistic and can definitely only focus on one thing: CAR RIMS. If you have a date with him, you know what you’ll talk about? CAR RIMS. And if you go to dinner, you know where you’ll go? A drive-in, so you can look at CAR RIMS.

In short: he might be boring, but his innocence is sweet.

On the other hand, you have “Car Rims” – he’s a fast-talker, can’t wait to just get down to business. His introduction to you doesn’t even start with a gentle icebreaker. No – he walks into the room, large and in charge, shouting orders: Ghost ride that whip.

Not only is it bossy, but it kind of sounds dirty. Well, Mr. Car Rims, I will NOT take your suggestion – I will not be riding a whip or whipping a ride or anything else you might suggest. You should be ashamed of yourself.

Now if only someone could tell me why Car Rim aficionados like my blog. It’s not like I write about cars. Or rims.

I guess some people just scream SPINNERS! Yep. That’s me.

CLASSY.

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I commend his focus.

14 Oct

WordPress has a filter that flags comments that appear to be spam before allowing them to post. Nonetheless, I get a kick out of reading them, in large part because they are generally gibberish and chock full of spelling and grammatical errors.

This one made me smile. This guy is not even trying to mask his cause:

I’m actually tempted to email him. The responses I’m considering include:

  • Not especially. Why are you so hot on them?
  • Not as much as I like the rims of basketball hoops.
  • Can you please be more specific? The rim of WHAT on my car?
  • Dude: you are a bit desperate for validation. See a therapist.

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Rant: The SHOCK and HORROR when a Hollywood Couple Separates.

13 Oct

 

It's almost like they posed so that they could cut the photo in half.

 

Over the last few days, I’ve been shocked by how much attention Courteney Cox and David Arquette’s split is receiving on the internet. (Perhaps on TV too, but since I don’t own one, I’m blissfully ignorant.)

Really? People give a shit about the relationship of two celebrities? And correct me if I’m wrong, but most relationships have 50/50 odds on working out and Hollywood seems to have a much lower success rate. So why is it surprising that Courteney and David can’t make it work? Besides, do we actually know these people? Are we so acquainted with them that we never saw this coming from all our time observing their happiness?

Sorry, I just don’t get it.

Know what I find shocking? How blunt and open Arquette seems to have been when he called into Howard Stern’s show. I didn’t hear it, but if this blog article is accurate, it sounds like he let it all hang out. I actually think it’s kind of funny that he’s admitting that he is an overgrown child that she got tired of mothering.

The only reason I surfed to that article was to figure out what all the fuss was about – why I’d seen so many Facebook statuses talking about “Dave and Court” as if they were actual friends. What I find entertaining are the comments that people took the time to post in response to the blog post. A few of my favorites, categorized:

From “Mrs. I Hate My Marriage But God Won’t Let Me Leave” we have:

And from “Mr. I’ll Never Win a N.O.W. Award” there’s this sage advice:

 

I like that he received 5 thumbs-downs for this comment - and uses Obama's "hope" image as his photo.

 

And finally, “Mr. I Can’t Wait to Go Home and Beat My Wife” says:

You know what I found most shocking of all? How Courteney spells her name. Anyone want to tell her she has an extra ‘E’ floating around in there?

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