Tag Archives: blog

I hate to break it to him, but I’m already taken…

27 Oct

Remember how impressed I was with the single-mindedness (if not the creativity) of this guy:

Well, apparently he has competition. Look who hit my blog’s spam filter this week:

While it might be a bit of a stretch to compare someone hawking car rims via my blog to courtship, I think we’re probably all in agreement: Suitor #1 is going to get my business.

Why? Here’s the analysis for the slow learners in the crowd:

“I Like Car Rims” is sort of like that stammering shy kid who had a crush on you in seventh grade. He might even be mildly autistic and can definitely only focus on one thing: CAR RIMS. If you have a date with him, you know what you’ll talk about? CAR RIMS. And if you go to dinner, you know where you’ll go? A drive-in, so you can look at CAR RIMS.

In short: he might be boring, but his innocence is sweet.

On the other hand, you have “Car Rims” – he’s a fast-talker, can’t wait to just get down to business. His introduction to you doesn’t even start with a gentle icebreaker. No – he walks into the room, large and in charge, shouting orders: Ghost ride that whip.

Not only is it bossy, but it kind of sounds dirty. Well, Mr. Car Rims, I will NOT take your suggestion – I will not be riding a whip or whipping a ride or anything else you might suggest. You should be ashamed of yourself.

Now if only someone could tell me why Car Rim aficionados like my blog. It’s not like I write about cars. Or rims.

I guess some people just scream SPINNERS! Yep. That’s me.

CLASSY.

A List: Sadly, this is how people find me…

1 Jun

Something I enjoy about blogging (almost as much as the writing itself) is the information I can access behind the scenes – like statistics about how many visitors I’ve had, which posts have been read the most, and – perhaps most curiously – which search engine terms have led people to my blog. Here are a few of those search terms that stood out to me, categorized for your viewing pleasure…

Bathroom Humor

OK. Based on these terms (and the fact that the majority of searches that led people to my site were tied to toilet humor) I’m thinking that I might need to lay off the teenage bathroom humor and shore up a more respectable reputation:

  • may cause anal leakage
  • wise fart quotes
  • feek and destroy (Seriously – I can’t believe someone strung this together.)
  • what is a slogan with the word flush in it
  • slogans to get people to flush the toilet (Sounds like someone has a bad work bathroom.)

Non-Sequitors

For most of these terms, I had to do a bit of a head-scratcher to figure out which posts they even led people to.

  • how much do the dancers make on dancing (Do we think there’s a sixteen year old out there contemplating a summer job at Deja Vu?)
  • cockroach tomato (I’m going to skip dinner at *their* house.)
  • person with sucker on forehead (I would love it if this person were actually looking for an image of someone with a lollipop on their face.)

Potential Fetishes?

So for these, the most plausible explanation is that the searchers using these terms have fetishes of some sort. Because otherwise, I can’t for the life of me figure out why someone would search for these terms together:

  • lady sits tub of milk
  • squirting moving clips
  • girls pre panties
  • only pissy