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List: 10 THINGS that make weekends even better

7 Jan

With all the talk of New Year’s Resolutions, it’s reminded me how much I like lists. They’re easier to read than paragraphs, and they’re much, MUCH easier to write. So this month, in addition to my regular babble about life, I’m going to share a few random lists with you.

List #1: 10 Things That Make Weekends Even Better Have the Ability to Ruin Your Weekend

  1. NPR’s weekend programming*
  2. Apple products*
  3. Bathtubs & books
  4. A garbage chute
  5. Scented candles
  6. Lamby
  7. Animals that let me touch them
  8. Jasmine tea
  9. The weather
  10. Yoga

*NPR and Apple almost canceled each other out and got eliminated from my list because today’s This American Life was about the sweatshops in China where Apple products are made. Ergo, today’s dose of irony: Apparently sweatshops make my weekend better, while people working in sweatshops don’t know what weekends are.

Great, now I feel like an asshole.

And sadly, Apple probably does a better job than most trying to make sure its vendors follow fair labor practices.

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Another year older…

30 Oct

Today was my birthday. Before this year, I raced into each birthday, excited for the additional year’s experience that lay ahead of me, wrinkles be damned.

This year, however, my body started to crap out on me in drips and dribbles… a mysteriously inflating calf, migraines, vertigo, Baker’s Cysts… I suddenly understood why old people only ever talk about what’s broken. Because everything breaks.

Oh, don’t  get my wrong. I’m not depressed to be another year older (beats the alternative!), but as I head into this year, I’m appreciative for what my body still CAN do, and I’m determined to maintain it as best I can.

I hit yoga twice today and during savasana I found myself giving thanks – not only for my health in general, but also for these specific things:

  • For being able to walk 25+ miles per week without thinking about it.
  • For not needing to change my underwear every time I sneeze.
  • For still having only my own teeth in my mouth.
  • For not having mysterious moles (with hair sprouting out of them) popping up on my chin.
  • For still finding bras that fit me.
  • And for still having the sense to not consider my waistband a bra.
  • For not truly knowing what a hot flash is yet.
  • For still being years away from finding adult diapers anything but funny.

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When the fear isn’t crippling, it’s freeing…

2 Aug

While I feel horrible for anyone confronting a phobia, some of the less common phobias are, um, borderline hilarious. Fear of snakes and spiders? I understand. Fear of air? Not so much.

(And yes, fear of air actually exists — it’s called anemophobia, if you’re curious. I didn’t know what it was a called, which is how I ended up on this site, doing a reverse look-up of phobias after WebMD indicated that fear of air is a symptom of rabies.)

For today’s post-lunch distraction, here’s a list of my newly-discovered favorite phobias:

  • Caligynephobia: fear of beautiful women. I think the Beach Boys named this one.
  • Deipnophobia: fear of dinner conversation. Pretty sure I’ve dated this guy.
  • Consecotaleophobia: fear of chopsticks. I’m going to guess the diagnosis of this runs pretty low in rural America.
  • Euphobia: fear of hearing good news. I want to meet this person. Sounds like a real Debby Downer: “Do you want me to start with the bad news or the –” “NO!”
  • Basophobia: fear of the inability to stand. How does this seed even get planted in one’s mind? And does it seize them only when they’re seated?
  • Arachibutyrophobia: fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of your mouth.
  • Papaphobia: fear of the Pope. Nice to know he ranks up there with clowns for some people.

Interestingly, there is a whole list of phobias that I would argue aren’t phobias, but are, rather, NORMAL fears… like thanataphobia (fear of death) or taeniophobia (fear of tapeworms).

And of course, the men out there who are rolling their eyes, saying phobias are for sissies… I have one word for you: Medmalacuphobia.

Look it up.

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List: 2 things that are more terrifying than expected.

23 Jul

Surprisingly Terrifying Thing #1

I would like to know why this even exists.

A few weeks ago I must’ve accidentally switched the ring tone for one of the alarms on my iPhone. I use it as my alarm clock in the mornings, and it generally wakes me with a few gently strummed guitar chords.

This morning, however, it was a harp. That might sound soothing, but when you’ve been up since 4:30 on a Saturday because you couldn’t sleep and you’re all sweaty and overheated from trying to squeeze in a three mile walk in record setting temperatures, trust me: hearing a loud harp coming from the general direction of your bedroom makes you think that either you’re on the brink of nervous collapse, or there’s a cat burglar with an angel obsession entering your condo.

Continue reading →

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Forgiveness Day helps me take “loving kindness” to a whole new level.

10 Jul

Forgiveness can actually be just as rewarding as revenge...

A post titled “Today Is Global Forgiveness Day” recently caught my attention, so I googled the holiday to see what it’s all about. (I know, it seems rather self-evident, so I’ll start celebrating by forgiving you for assuming I’m an idiot.) As it turns out, according to HolidayInsights.Com, this “holiday” is actually celebrated August 27.

I’ll also forgive the person who led me to believe it was in July. (And maybe she’ll forgive me for pointing that out.)

Wow. This forgiveness thing is really freeing.

Since I’m on a bit of a roll, why don’t I just bury the hatchet and release some of those grudges I’ve been carrying? Here goes…

  • To This DC Librarian: I forgive you for hating people so much that you spent five long minutes pretending to shelve a book just so you wouldn’t have to acknowledge me.
  • To Mr. Porsche Driver: I forgive you for blatantly stealing the parking spot I had been waiting on for ten minutes. Clearly you’re important. I should’ve gathered that from your car. And also? It’s probably uncomfortable to be in public when you have what I assume must be an unnaturally small penis. I should’ve been more understanding.
  • To Mr. Stompy McStomperson Who Lives Above Me: I forgive you for waking me up every day between 3:30 – 4:30am. I will stop shouting “A pox upon you!” But I won’t stop plotting ways to discreetly slip you Benadryl.
  • To This Guy: I forgive you for souring the air in my yoga glass. And I hope you’ve discovered Bean-O.
  • CVS Cashiers Everywhere: I forgive you for taking slow to a new level. You can be a tortoise to my hare.
  • To The Woman Who Hit Me With Her Car: I forgive you deciding it was a good idea to accelerate when the sun blinded you. And for over-staying your welcome at the Emergency Room.
  • To The Client Who (Figuratively) Asked Me to Bend Over When Negotiating Pricing: I forgive you for being a cheap and miserable person who clearly finds no joy in life outside your employment.
  • My Old Yoga Teacher: I forgive you for sitting on my hand and ruining my savasana.

Whew. That was therapeutic. Now tell me… who are YOU forgiving in celebration of this great day?

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