My mom has always sworn that you can fix almost anything with duct tape and a staple gun. I’m pretty sure I posted about “hemming” my pants with duct tape earlier this year (but can’t find it for the life of me), so it’s safe to assume I’m squarely in Mom’s camp on this one.
Today I solved YET ANOTHER household problem with duct tape.
Here’s the problem: two weeks ago, my washer started making horrific noises while on the spin cycle. When I say, horrific, I mean, it sounded like someone was driving a sledgehammer into the wall repeatedly. “I don’t remember it being THIS loud,” I thought to myself as it started. Then a few minutes later, as jugs of detergent came raining down off the top of my dryer, “Hell no, it hasn’t been this loud!”
I realized it was broken and did what most people do when faced with a potentially expensive problem: decided to ignore it. The week passed, my clothes piled up, and finally – this weekend – I decided to give it another go, thinking, “Who knows? Maybe it just needed a little time and has now healed itself?!”
It hadn’t. If anything, it had dug itself deeper into the ditch. Had it been a whale, it would’ve been heaving itself out of the ocean, making tragic noises while beaching itself to die. I was concerned that my neighbors might come pound on my door, so I decided to beat them to the punch, preparing handwritten notes to slide under their doors that said:
Hi! Something is wrong with my washer. It is thumping much louder than usual on the spin cycle. I’ll get it repaired this week, but in the meantime need to do two loads of laundry. I’ll wait until this afternoon when there’s the smallest chance of disturbing anyone, but if I pick a bad time (like when you’re napping) and you’d like me to hold off, please text me… Alison
I cringed while my loads were washing and – shamed by the noise – started researching replacements online, in the event that my entire stacked unit had to go. I almost threw up when I realized that the clunky, boxy, ugly-ass washer/dryer unit would run me $1,100 to replace and began praying that a repairman could, in fact, fix it.
Today, the repairman came. He was a nice guy, equipped with a netbook that his company had issued him for creating invoices. Making small talk, I said, “Hey – how do you like your netbook? It’s really small.”
His response, “I know. It’s for women. Can’t handle my big ole hands.” He showed me his hands and held up the computer.
I nodded and he continued, “They told me I was getting a computer and I was all, ‘yea’ because my own laptop had just died, but then I opened the box and saw this little Mini Me thing and was like, ‘This is not a laptop.'”
About this time I asked how expensive my washer would be to fix. Approximately $300, he informed me, pointing out what the problem was. Turns out there are 3 springs that support the cylinder, and one of mine was flat-busted, causing the entire basket to hammer the inside right panel of the machine’s casing, making that loud clanking sound.
“A week and half until it’s fixed?” I asked him, trying to look pathetic.
“Unfortunately,” he told me. “I can’t rush the parts.”
I looked at the machine. “Is there any harm in my continuing to use it until you fix it, if I can tolerate the noise?”
“Not really,” he said, and before the words were out of his mouth, I was brandishing a roll of duct tape. “Here,” I told him. “Can you hold this towel?”
He complied. “I have never seen someone do this,” he told me.
“Do you think I’m crazy?” I asked.
“Naw… I think you should be a service technician.”
Five minutes later, we were done. I had duct-taped a rolled dishtowel to the edge of the barrel to mute the noise. “Do you still want me to come fix it?” he asked.
I nodded. While I don’t want to spend $300 on an unsexy repair like a washer spring, especially right before the holidays, I also know better that the press my luck with the magical duct tape.
Of course, if I’d also had a staple gun at my disposal, he would be out of a job. Because that’s how we ladies roll.
pithypants 
You should totally be a technician…
Or a seamstress. Duct tape is my tool for every job.