If you’re in line to pay for something:
- Organize your items on the conveyor belt so that people behind you with heavy baskets can set their stuff down too.
- Don’t judge my purchases. I’m not laughing at you for your ExLax, so don’t look repulsed by my assortment of TGIFriday frozen foods.
- If you’re browsing a magazine, you still need to keep one eye trained on the line and move appropriately. (Don’t make me nudge you.)
- How about finding your wallet BEFORE you get to the register. And even better, have your credit card out.
- For the love of small puppies and all things holy, don’t even think about writing a check. Who even uses those any more?
- If you want to dispute a price, the difference better exceed 20 cents. Otherwise, I’ll give you a quarter and we’ll call it a day.
- If your can has a dent in it, tough shit. You should’ve noticed that when you took it off the shelf. Not now, when there’s a line of people behind you.
- Please don’t act as if you’ve never used a pinpad to complete a transaction. You should know where the debit/credit button is and how to slide your card. If you don’t, you should only function in a cash-based world or order from Peapod.
If you’re in line to use the bathroom:
- First off, you must be a woman. I’ve never seen a man in a line for this.
- If you ARE a man in line for a bathroom – go outside. It’s faster and we women need your bathroom.
- Be alert. When a stall opens, make a break for it, or I will.
- This isn’t a time to be fickle. If you don’t like the looks of your stall, don’t stand there contemplating it and praying for another one to open. If you do, I will shove you out of the way and use it. You’re squatting anyway, so unless there is a turd sitting on top of the toilet paper dispenser, I think you’re good.
- I’d actually appreciate it if everyone in line started unzipping, unbuckling and unsnapping while still in line. We could speed this whole thing up if everyone did a bit of public prep work.
What do you think? Am I way off base here?
pithypants 
amen. especially on unbuckling, etc. beforehand and “doing up” outside the stall afterward. Now THAT’s a sisterhood of traveling pants,