Tag Archives: revenge

Mr. Chair: it was nice knowing you.

7 Sep

I’ve almost finished furnishing my new crib and am closing in on the final task of repainting the walls to match my new scheme. One of the last things I need to pick up is a casual chair for my living room. I’ve had my sites set on something with a bold print, and last week I thought I found just the thing:

But the thing is, it’s from TARGET. What? Since when does Target sell furniture? Don’t get me wrong – I’ve picked up the majority of my stuff from Room & Board or Crate & Barrel, so I’m all too happy to find a piece of furniture that doesn’t cost as much as a family vacation. But seriously? Target? I was concerned about the quality, but decided to go for it and ordered it online.

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Your dog sleeps with the fishes…

8 Jul

My mind works frighteningly well when it comes to revenge.

For example, the other day a friend shared a Facebook post with me via email that said, “What do i do with the cockroach i taped into the bathroom sink?”

My response (which was about as reflexive as breathing), was, “I assume you closed the drain and put tape over the overflow hole? In that case, I recommend you pour Dran-O down the hole, light a match, drop that down the hole, urinate into the hole  via a funnel, then send aphids down. Other than that, I’m at a loss.”

Alan’s response to that was, “Remind me never, ever to make you mad.”

That’s sage advice, because I come by this revenge thing honestly. It’s in my genes.

Growing up, we knew that the “I don’t get mad, I get even,” mug belonged to my mother. And if you used it, well… you could expect consequences.

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