Mr. Chair: it was nice knowing you.

7 Sep

I’ve almost finished furnishing my new crib and am closing in on the final task of repainting the walls to match my new scheme. One of the last things I need to pick up is a casual chair for my living room. I’ve had my sites set on something with a bold print, and last week I thought I found just the thing:

But the thing is, it’s from TARGET. What? Since when does Target sell furniture? Don’t get me wrong – I’ve picked up the majority of my stuff from Room & Board or Crate & Barrel, so I’m all too happy to find a piece of furniture that doesn’t cost as much as a family vacation. But seriously? Target? I was concerned about the quality, but decided to go for it and ordered it online.

Alas, it arrived last Monday in a box, awaiting assembly. The construction was fairly simple – and not unlike that of my dining room chairs since the design is a simple slipper. At a glance, I loved the fabric and dimensions, so it was with some degree of excitement that I began turning – and turning and turning and turning – the hex wrench.

Why was there so much turning? Because the bolts they provided weren’t deep enough to anchor. I was only able to get two of the five “back bolts” to connect properly. Which means that when I flipped the chair over, it looked good but was wobbly to the touch.

Annoying. Had Target made the assembly flawless, I would have my living room complete and they would have money in the bank. Instead, I spent 30 minutes disassembling the chair and repacking it (precisely as it was shipped to me, complete with fabric bags for individual components) and made a trip with Alan to return it to Target over the weekend.

I think that’s called a lose/lose.

I should end this post here. But instead, because I am someone who believes in revenge, I feel obligated to share something:

The underside of the chair seat is hollow and covered by a piece of fabric attached by Velcro.

Do you have any idea how tempting it was to tuck a special item into that space for Target employees to discover? VERY.

I didn’t. I restrained myself.

But think how fun it would be if I had filled that entire area with gerbils. Or feathers. Or maple syrup. Or gerbils coated with maple syrup and wearing boas.

Somehow, I think they might reach out to Ikea to redesign their furniture before shipping any more pieces, had I shipped this chair back with a filled treasure pouch.


2 Responses to “Mr. Chair: it was nice knowing you.”

  1. K September 8, 2010 at 6:28 pm #

    In the too little too late category, check out point 1.

  2. Alicia September 9, 2010 at 12:31 pm #

    OOOOOh. Good temptation.

    Also — I’m with you. I have a whole saga about the dressers we got from JCPenny. I had the same thought: not high end, but good enough for who it’s for. Except that 80% of the knobs pulled loose from their screws within the first 2 weeks and I kept having to reorder them from the store. Then I asked for compensation and the supplier had gone bankrupt.

    We still have to open James’s bottom drawer with a screwdriver in the knob hole.

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