Alan better be worried. If the ads in my account are any indication, it seems Facebook has really figured out my type:
I am TOTALLY into faithful Christian cops.
How did they know? It’s almost eerie.
I am so, um, JAZZED.
7 FebIt really should come with gloves.
6 Feb
As a child, I couldn’t stand Vicks VapoRub. I just rediscovered it yesterday and have to say: I am a fan! Since Thursday I’ve been battling some sort of sinus/chest thing. Its started in my sinuses and migrated to my throat and chest.
Yesterday I couldn’t speak without having to (unsuccessfully) clear my throat mid-sentence. If you’ve experienced this, then you know precisely how frustrating it is. Which explains why I kept interrupting my sentences to blurt, “Goddammit!” as if I had a case of full-blown Turrets.
I finally broke down and went to Safeway on a mission to bring home any medication that boasted the magic word “expectorant” on its label. While checking out Mucinex, a tub of Vicks happened to pique my curiosity so I added it to my basket as well.
It’s hard to identify what the exact benefit of Vicks is, but my chest feels looser, so that’s a start. I don’t see much risk to continuing to slather it on since it’s the only thing I’ve found that provides some degree of immediate relief. Although I suspect the next time Alan comes over he’s going to wonder why my entire condo smells like menthol.
Oh, and a tip to the uninitiated: after applying Vicks, go wash your hands. Immediately. I learned this the hard way. I forgot that I had Menthol Hands and made the colossal mistake of rubbing my eye. Holy Mother of Mary. Not only was I temporarily blinded, my wet eye felt HOT then COLD. I thought it might throw itself out of the socket in an attempt to crawl to a glass of ice water.
So I guess that’s a ringing endorsement: I’m willing to continue using a product that almost blinded me. Maybe I should approach Vicks and see if they want to sponsor me. I’m pretty sure that’s one of the better testimonial quotes they’ll find.
News Flash: apparently when I’m sick, I’m cranky.
5 Feb
Admittedly, I was feeling rather sorry for my sick self yesterday when I reported on my recent experience at the library, so my tone was probably a bit more bitchy/whiny than pithy. In fact, it’s hard to be pithy when you’re sick.
Anyway, it wasn’t one of my funnier posts. Unfortunately, it drew a record number of hits, apparently because a librarian stumbled upon it and tweeted it out, presumably to an audience of other librarians. And in case you hadn’t made the connection: librarians read.
The link was teed up as, “These posts make me so sad. Another lost library patron…” which left me scratching my head.
Did the tweet mean that the library had lost me as a patron or that I was a clueless human being? Was my post sad because of how it was written or because of the service I had received?
(I re-read my post and was embarrassed that my self-pity had come across as a mean-spirited assessment of the librarian’s mental capacity.)
Then I saw that this same tweeting librarian was playing with the idea of offering a reward for non-librarians to write something positive about libraries. And the thought that librarians feel like they have to pay for positive publicity made ME sad. Because the truth is, I love libraries.
Computer says “no.”
4 Feb
Based on the unemployment statistics, it sounds like the market is filled with overly-qualified people seeking work. And yet I continue to run into people in customer-facing roles whose only demonstrable quality is a pulse.
Last night I went to the library to pick up a book I had put on hold months ago. My book club just selected it as our next pick, so imagine how thrilled I was to receive an email notifying me that the book was ready and waiting for me at the library. Awesome timing!
So yesterday, despite feeling like crap (meaning I was coming down with a wicked cold), I hoofed it to the library on my way home from work, anticipating the reward of a hot bath, mug of tea, and escape into the novel’s initial pages.
But the library had other plans for me. If the librarian helping me had had a sense of humor, she might’ve screamed, “You’ve been Punk’d!” and pretended Ashton Kutcher was going to pop out from under the counter. Instead, she just frowned at the computer screen and said, “Computer says it’s unavailable.”
I just learned a new word.
3 Feb
I wish I hadn’t.
Here’s the word I wish I could scrub from my vocabulary: VAJAZZLING.
If you don’t know what it is, think, “Beadazzler meets bikini area.” Um, yeah.
Seriously? I’m pretty sure our pioneer ancestors would have neutered themselves, had they known their descendants would actually spend time and mental energy on such a thing.
Although, who knows? Maybe pioneer women stuck corn kernels to their nether regions for a little bedtime bling.
pithypants 