So we’ve all seen Sh*t Girls Say and the subsequent variations on that theme, right? If not, this might be the point when you just keep your mouth shut and google it so you don’t reveal how out of touch you are with viral videos. Or, conversely, you might want to throw your laptop out a window and admit that technology has out-paced you.
For those of you who do know what I’m talking about, I present my nomination for an award I’ve just created, called Best in Meme:
You are welcome.
I’m still mildly obsessed with the cruise ship that sunk tipped over two weeks ago, for one reason: Captain Schettino.
The guy sounds like a real piece of work, doesn’t he? First, the accident was allegedly caused because he deviated from the course to provide a show for the people on land. Apparently no one taught him that pride cometh before a fall. Also? I now know where the term “show-boating” comes from.
Then, in response to having beached his vessel like an awkward whale, what does he do? Does he take charge and give his crew orders to organize passengers for evacuation? Does he begin a role call to assure all passengers are accounted for? No. If the rumor is to be believed, rather than do either of those useful things, he called down to the kitchen (galley?) to order dinner for himself and a woman he was entertaining.
Wow. I think we can agree on two things: #1: He demonstrated fantastically bad judgement; #2: This guy takes “calm in a crisis” to a whole new level.
By the way, how mortified do you think his date was? We’ve all been out with that guy – the one who tries too hard to impress you, who ends up making an ass of himself with grandiose gestures that completely backfire. I’m thinking the conversation in the cockpit (or whatever you call it on ship – the bridge?) went something like this:
…
And then, when he does realize there may be grave consequences, rather than spring into action to save the lives of his passengers, he’s one of the first people off the boat. Granted, he claims he “tripped” and fell into a lifeboat, so we’re not supposed to fault him for that, but if you’ve read the Coast Guard transcripts, you know that he didn’t exactly mount a campaign to re-board the ship and take command of the situation.
Don’t get me wrong – self-preservation is a biologically driven urge, and it would take some serious over-coming to force yourself to stay on that ship. But when you’re the person who caused the situation, it’s kind of your responsibility to make sure you aren’t killing people.
I’m sure we’ll learn more in coming months when the lawsuits start to mount. Given his track record for chivalry, I’m waiting for him to throw his date under the bus and claim she was actually the one driving when the ship ran aground. And in keeping with his character, he’ll shrug and say, “What? Everyone knows women can’t drive.”
I actually was in the car with a client once when this exact move happened. I'd like to note: the driver was a man in that instance.
Even the weather is entertaining because of the town names.
I’ve now been back from Australia for almost a month, so this is a bit, um, untimely. Whatever. I just stumbled across some notes I took while watching television my last night in Sydney. Since I don’t have a television at home, it hadn’t occurred to me to reach for the remote before then, and it’s one of my only regrets. Australian telly is entertaining.
On a cooking show:
Describing herring: “It’s knobbish.”
Instructions for crushing garlic: “Smash it. Just wail on it, mate.”
On an entertainment show, interviewing a celebrity about his stay in rehab:
“I wasn’t downstairs in the drug and alcohol unit. I was upstairs in the mood unit.”
Mood unit? That sounds like a gaping hole in the American health system.
They have a show that is like “The Bachelor” in the US. Except the Australian version is called, “The Farmer Wants a Wife.” Seriously. And it features six farmers who – you guessed it – want wives.
On Who Wants to Be a Millionaire, the contestant passed on this question:
Fill in this song: “I want to wake up in the city that never…”
When given multiple choices, she couldn’t decide between “ceases” and “sleeps.”
Even better, the host mispronounced ceases as CREASES.
And the contestant still got it wrong.
Also on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire:
When trying to select “Capuchin Monkey” as the animal in Hangover II, the contestant instead called it a, “Cappuccino Monkey.” Not sure why this tickled me so much.
Last reference from Who Wants to Be a Millionaire:
The contestant had to determine which charity was the beneficiary of a large fundraiser earlier that year. He ruled out “Save the Children” right out of the gate, but it was his rationale that made me laugh. “Why would they need fundraiser? Everyone already wants to save children.”
On the news:
A woman’s death (which had previously been ruled a suicide) was re-examined in light of new evidence. The evidence? A spear-throwing reinactment showing that the woman could not have jumped to her death, but could only have arrived in that position if thrown by a master spear-thrower. Because that’s a common skill.
Other Observations
This is where my notes get a bit fuzzy because I’d had a sleeping pill so I’d be well rested for my flight home. I won’t even TRY to make sense of them. Here’s the stream of consciousness:
All the websites mentioned on commercials in with .com.au. How much would that suck to have to clarify your country after .com?
Apple commercials use American voiceover talent, not Aussies. I wonder if that makes Apple products seem more modern, or if people find it insulting to get technology lectures from Americans.
Even their channels have cool names: 7 Mate.
Awesome Australian words: Brekkie. Nibbles.
Carbon Tax in Australia. Why didn’t we think of that? Oh, because we are too busy trying to pretend we aren’t causing Global Warming. No wonder other countries can’t stand us.
I could become addicted to “Bondi Rescue” – it’s like “Cops” but about the lifeguards at Bondi Beach. And they’re constantly pulling people out who are caught in rips or have their heads split open by surf boards.
Finally, eyes heavy under the weight of pharmaceuticals, I managed to click the “off” button. I slumbered and awoke to a city that never creases.
The hosts of Planet Money: Alan Davidson & Alex Blumberg
First, an admission: I’m a huge dork and I love “behind the scenes” glimpses of programs I follow. That explains my ticket stubs from NBC’s studio tour (including the SNL set) in New York and NPR’s “Wait! Wait! Don’t Tell Me” show in Chicago.
So it should come as no surprise then that a few weeks ago when NPR hosted a live recording of Planet Money‘s podcast in DC, I eagerly snapped up a ticket. Turns out, I’m not the only nerd in DC. The venue (a Synagogue in Chinatown) was sold out with 800 attendees. I love living in a Nerd Mecca.
One of my friends — whom we’ll call Honer in this post out of a) respect for her privacy and b) her Honorary Nerd status — also picked up a ticket, so we made plans to meet at the show, 30 minutes before doors opened. As my work day wound down, I began receiving texts from Honer, regretting the wine she had consumed the night before.
Not going to call it a hangover, but my head hurts.
Not sure how I’m going to make it tonight. It’s officially a hangover.
Would you think less of me if I show up with a roadie? I think this situation calls for hair of the dog.
My friend Holly has a DC Film Society membership so she often receives passes to movies before they open locally. Tonight, as her guest, I was treated to a sneak peak of “Friends With Benefits,” the movie starring Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis that — based on the previews — you’re pretty sure is a remake of something you saw last year.
And that’s where you’ll be pleasantly surprised: although this movie does honor the time-tested formula of a romantic comedy, it manages to weave in so many laugh-out-loud funny lines and fresh details that you don’t even care. It’s just a straight-up great time, and this is coming from a girl who is no great fan of romantic comedies.
JT and Mila have believable chemistry and play off each other solidly, but the real gems in this movie are the quirky side characters — including Woody Harrelson as a rather masculine gay sports writer for GQ, and Patricia Clarkson as Mila’s flaky, hippy mom — who get to deliver some of the funniest stand-alone lines.
Now I’m not saying this would be my top pick for men heading out to the movies, but — if they were dragged by girlfriends who won the weekend coin toss — I am confident they would surprise themselves by actually busting a gut at times. (And it doesn’t hurt that Kunis spends a fair amount of time rolling around in her teeny tiny underwear.)
You know who SHOULDN’T see this movie? Anyone who thinks that “friends with benefits” actually means “pals with healthcare plans.” Because this is a movie centered around sex and its ability to complicate even the simplest of relationships. So if you’re not hip enough to know what “friends with benefits” actually means, chances are, you might find this movie a bit too racy for your taste.
Unless you’re this badass couple, in which case: AWESOME. You’re retired and you’ve won contest sponsored by KY Jelly. Somehow, I don’t think they’d be flustered.
So, overall, how to summarize this flick in a way that is movie-poster quotable?
Friends With Benefits: Almost as fun as an old-fashioned romp in the sack.
pithypants 
