Keep it classy, Captain Schettino.

29 Jan

I’m still mildly obsessed with the cruise ship that sunk tipped over two weeks ago, for one reason: Captain Schettino.

The guy sounds like a real piece of work, doesn’t he? First, the accident was allegedly caused because he deviated from the course to provide a show for the people on land. Apparently no one taught him that pride cometh before a fall. Also? I now know where the term “show-boating” comes from.

Then, in response to having beached his vessel like an awkward whale, what does he do? Does he take charge and give his crew orders to organize passengers for evacuation? Does he begin a role call to assure all passengers are accounted for? No. If the rumor is to be believed, rather than do either of those useful things, he called down to the kitchen (galley?) to order dinner for himself and a woman he was entertaining.

Wow. I think we can agree on two things: #1: He demonstrated fantastically bad judgement; #2:  This guy takes “calm in a crisis” to a whole new level.

By the way, how mortified do you think his date was? We’ve all been out with that guy – the one who tries too hard to impress you, who ends up making an ass of himself with grandiose gestures that completely backfire. I’m thinking the conversation in the cockpit (or whatever you call it on ship – the bridge?) went something like this:

Captain: You really MUST see the port up-close. Let me zip in a bit for you.
Date: I’m good. We should probably just stick with the regular route. 
Captain: No! I insist! You must see this. 
Date: Um. What was that shudder? Why aren’t we moving?
Captain: Ah, that’s totally normal. Here, let me call down for a bottle of wine and some food.
Date: Actually, I just remembered – I left the iron on at home. Gotta roll! 

And then, when he does realize there may be grave consequences, rather than spring into action to save the lives of his passengers, he’s one of the first people off the boat. Granted, he claims he “tripped” and fell into a lifeboat, so we’re not supposed to fault him for that, but if you’ve read the Coast Guard transcripts, you know that he didn’t exactly mount a campaign to re-board the ship and take command of the situation.

Don’t get me wrong – self-preservation is a biologically driven urge, and it would take some serious over-coming to force yourself to stay on that ship. But when you’re the person who caused the situation, it’s kind of your responsibility to make sure you aren’t killing people.

I’m sure we’ll learn more in coming months when the lawsuits start to mount. Given his track record for chivalry, I’m waiting for him to throw his date under the bus and claim she was actually the one driving when the ship ran aground. And in keeping with his character, he’ll shrug and say, “What? Everyone knows women can’t drive.”

I actually was in the car with a client once when this exact move happened. I'd like to note: the driver was a man in that instance.

8 Responses to “Keep it classy, Captain Schettino.”

  1. John January 29, 2012 at 12:00 pm #

    “What am I supposed to do? Not eat??”

    • pithypants January 29, 2012 at 4:07 pm #

      “What, and waste all this food?”

  2. Tin Roof Press January 29, 2012 at 12:38 pm #

    I don’t know if I believe everything the press is reporting. It’s too biased

    Additionally I’ve noticed that most of the media in the UK reporting on this, ONLY interview the pretty dancing girls saying utterly inane things like

    “I was so scared.”

    Of course you were, and you have such pretty hair! Hair like that can’t die.

    So i’m holding out until the trial before judging.

    I love the quote from the captains wife or ex wife or whatever.

    “Those on the sea navigate, those on the land judge.”

    • pithypants January 29, 2012 at 4:06 pm #

      Wait: reserve judgement until the facts are out there? That’s a concept.

  3. thesinglecell January 29, 2012 at 5:12 pm #

    Hey, he’s Italian. Food and wine are a priority! Ha. Actually I dunno – I heard he was eating at the time the ship hit the rock, not that he went to eat after, but in any event, dude “fell” into a lifeboat, didn’t direct the crew to do a safety drill upon departure from port as is protocol, played down the incident, acted a fool… me no likey. Reminds me of the guy I went out with years ago who generously took me to a major league baseball game (good seats), then suggested we walk to dinner nearby… ordered us each a glass of chianti (which I don’t like) while I was in the bathroom, ordered FOR me when the server arrived while I sat open-mouthed… and, turned out, didn’t have his wallet. Hmmm. I may think of him as Schettino from now on. I don’t remember his real name.

    • pithypants January 29, 2012 at 5:21 pm #

      You had me at Chianti! Perfect example of a pulling a Schettino. Conveniently, I don’t speak Italian, so the way I pronounce his name it sounds like Shiteeno. Which sounds about right…

  4. Lorna's Voice January 30, 2012 at 4:06 pm #

    This is an amazing story, no matter how you cut it. Or cut it up…

    • pithypants January 30, 2012 at 4:38 pm #

      It really stands up. <– see what I did there? UNLIKE the boat!

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