Borrowed from “The Onion”
Skimming the news this weekend, an article caught my eye.
“Did you know they’re removing some of the scanners from the airports?” I asked Alan.
“Oh yeah? The invasive scanners?” he clarified. “Not a surprise.”
“Invasive? What do you mean?”
“You know, the ones that show you naked,” he prodded.
I shook my head. “I thought that was a wives’ tale. I mean, they don’t actually show you naked.” I paused. “Do they?”
He nodded. “Do a Google image search. You’ll see.”
I thought he was surely pulling my leg. I mean, I fly ALL the time. There’s no way they’d allow TSA officers to take naked scans of me, would they?
I searched. Images like this came up:
“Are you serious? This is what it really looks like?” I asked, incredulous.
Alan nodded. “You seem freaked out.”
“I am,” I said. “I mean, I didn’t know they could actually see my naked body!”
“What would you have done?” Alan asked.
“Um, probably stood taller. And definitely sucked my tummy in.”
He started laughing. “So what did you think the scan looked like, if not a naked photo of your body?”
“I don’t know,” I said, flipping through more images. “I guess something like this…”
At this point, Alan was convulsing. “You thought people were up in arms because they resembled gingerbread men on the scanner?”
Good point.
I hate it when he’s right.
pithypants 
Not that I am especially well endowed or all that much different from the average guy, but I sure don’t want anyone looking “at my junk.” It is a good thing, they are too evasive and I am for their immediate removal if not sooner … and I don’t even fly.
LDS
BUSINESS IDEA: Perhaps I could manufacture phallic prosthetics. If men are willing to spend millions on Viagra, I bet there’s a market for business travelers who want to appear well-endowed when scanned at the airport. Thanks, LDS!
I will take a “medium” with no warts please.
LDS
The last time I went through one of those, the TSA officer asked me if I was a dancer. “You have perfect posture,” she told me. Like that’s what the guys would have been thinking.
That’s why I’m not a TSA officer. I would’ve said, “Are you a dancer? Because it looks like you have a pole between your legs.” And then I would be sued and fired. The end.
And speaking of being a TSA officer…next time you’re in the airport, take a good look at all the people around you. Then picture having to look at them all without clothes. Yuck! My guess is the majority going through aren’t dancers & Beyonce isn’t going through all the time.
I suppose I shouldn’t be shocked if I see a little dribble of vomit on the screen the next time, now that you’ve made me think of this.