I Don’t Think I’m Alone on This One…

21 Jan
Borrowed from "The Onion"

Borrowed from “The Onion”

Skimming the news this weekend, an article caught my eye.

“Did you know they’re removing some of the scanners from the airports?” I asked Alan.

“Oh yeah? The invasive scanners?” he clarified. “Not a surprise.”

“Invasive? What do you mean?”

“You know, the ones that show you naked,” he prodded.

I shook my head. “I thought that was a wives’ tale. I mean, they don’t actually show you naked.” I paused. “Do they?”

He nodded. “Do a Google image search. You’ll see.”

I thought he was surely pulling my leg. I mean, I fly ALL the time. There’s no way they’d allow TSA officers to take naked scans of me, would they?

I searched. Images like this came up:

Image Source: http://maxcdn.fooyoh.com/files/attach/images/1097/325/389/001/airport_xray_scanner.jpg

“Are you serious? This is what it really looks like?” I asked, incredulous.

Alan nodded. “You seem freaked out.”

“I am,” I said. “I mean, I didn’t know they could actually see my naked body!”

“What would you have done?” Alan asked.

“Um, probably stood taller. And definitely sucked my tummy in.”

He started laughing. “So what did you think the scan looked like, if not a naked photo of your body?”

“I don’t know,” I said, flipping through more images. “I guess something like this…”

Image Source: http://www.wired.com/images_blogs/threatlevel/2011/07/Screen-Shot-2011-07-20-at-3.48.29-PM.png

At this point, Alan was convulsing. “You thought people were up in arms because they resembled gingerbread men on the scanner?”

Good point.

I hate it when he’s right. 

8 Responses to “I Don’t Think I’m Alone on This One…”

  1. ldsrr91 January 21, 2013 at 10:31 am #

    Not that I am especially well endowed or all that much different from the average guy, but I sure don’t want anyone looking “at my junk.” It is a good thing, they are too evasive and I am for their immediate removal if not sooner … and I don’t even fly.


    • pithypants January 21, 2013 at 9:06 pm #

      BUSINESS IDEA: Perhaps I could manufacture phallic prosthetics. If men are willing to spend millions on Viagra, I bet there’s a market for business travelers who want to appear well-endowed when scanned at the airport. Thanks, LDS!

      • ldsrr91 January 21, 2013 at 10:13 pm #

        I will take a “medium” with no warts please.


  2. thesinglecell January 21, 2013 at 5:59 pm #

    The last time I went through one of those, the TSA officer asked me if I was a dancer. “You have perfect posture,” she told me. Like that’s what the guys would have been thinking.

    • pithypants January 21, 2013 at 9:03 pm #

      That’s why I’m not a TSA officer. I would’ve said, “Are you a dancer? Because it looks like you have a pole between your legs.” And then I would be sued and fired. The end.

  3. dianeskitchentable January 22, 2013 at 12:30 pm #

    And speaking of being a TSA officer…next time you’re in the airport, take a good look at all the people around you. Then picture having to look at them all without clothes. Yuck! My guess is the majority going through aren’t dancers & Beyonce isn’t going through all the time.

    • pithypants January 24, 2013 at 7:55 pm #

      I suppose I shouldn’t be shocked if I see a little dribble of vomit on the screen the next time, now that you’ve made me think of this.


  1. Best of the Week - Week 4, 2013 Edition - Sounds Like Orange - February 4, 2013

    […] the kind of funny thing you wish you’d said or thought of. Every last word. Add in a touch of spoiled innocence and you never need to read anything else again … maybe that’s too dramatic, but it […]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: