Literally.
After puzzling over the thank you note I received from GW’s Surgery Clinic following my colonoscopy this fall, I decided there was only one way to repay their courtesy: Send them a thank you note in response.
I’m usually not a fan of the endless loop that a “thank you for a thank you” engenders, but in this case, I felt it was appropriate.
…
Dear GW Surgery Team,
I’ll admit, I was somewhat surprised to receive a note of gratitude from you in the days following my colonoscopy. I mean, Ann Landers has long lamented that manners are dead and thank you notes have become a lost art. (Wait: Actually, Ann Landers is dead. And – ironically – it turns out manners are alive. In any case, your note would’ve made her happy.)
And my own take? I have to tell you how FLATTERING it was to receive your note. I mean, getting a colonoscopy isn’t fun, and it leaves a person feeling exposed and vulnerable.
So to receive a hand-written THANK YOU note after the procedure? It’s kind of like Ryan Gosling saying, “Hey Girl, thanks for allowing me to roll you over and shove a camera up your ass while you were unconscious.” Except I bet it wouldn’t sound creepy coming from Ryan Gosling, because he’s apparently VERY sensitive.
Anyway, I do, REALLY appreciate the note. I assume (and I’m reading between the lines here) that means the popcorn I’d eaten immediately before my cleanse didn’t really pose a problem? So relieved. For all of us.
In any case, I won’t go so far as to say it was a “pleasure” doing business with you, but I do appreciate your attention to detail, and the personal touch your customer service provides. If it was as gratifying as you make it sound, I only request that in the future you pay me rather than invoice my insurance company. And then, I think, we will have reached an arrangement in which thank you notes are no longer needed.
Until then, many thanks for your appreciation, and appreciation for your gentle ways.
Yours on the table,
Alison
Or, to paraphrase, it might’ve sounded like this…
pithypants 
GW’s reply to your reply to their note:
“Hey girl, hey…
We think you’re full of it. Please come in for another colonoscopy. After an appropriate cleanse WITHOUT popcorn. You know how a single kernel skin can get caught in the back of your throat for days? You clogged up the vacuum, but we were too polite to tell you.”
So THAT explains the burnt electrical smell that followed me around for weeks.