Lakes trump Oceans. Or: Another Reason You Should Check Out Michigan.

16 Jul

WHY isn’t the state tourism board putting me on their payroll? Oh wait – probably because they don’t like to waste taxpayers’ money, which is YET ANOTHER reason you would enjoy living there…

The only thing dangerous about this is the possibility that I might poop on beach-goers.

I never understand why people love oceans. I mean, I enjoy water of any variety, but if I could choose, I’d pick a lake any time. It might be that those are simply my Michigan roots shining through (Hello, Great Lake State!), but let me share my logic and you tell me if it’s flawed.

First, when is the last time someone was attacked by a shark in a lake? Pretty sure the answer to that one is NEVER. (Actually, wait – just found this article and apparently it does happen. But I’d like to point out that it’s in Nicaragua. So if you’re visiting there, you’ve probably already come to terms with an untimely death anyway. A bull shark in a lake isn’t the worst end you could meet.) Nicaragua not withstanding, let’s assume your odds of encountering a shark in a lake are next to nil.

Second, no salt in your eyes. (Unless you’re talking about the Great Salt Lake, but that’s like an oxymoron. Let’s agree to call that Utah’s Ocean from here on out, ok?) Tell me this isn’t one of the most annoying things about the ocean… spend any amount of time out in the waves and you look like a stoner with bloodshot eyes. Not in a lake.

Third, not as many jellyfish. Sure, there are some freshwater jellyfish, but I can’t remember the last time I ran into one in a lake. Whereas at the ocean? They’re like landmines dotting the beach. Landmines that make people pee on each other for relief. In other words: not very friendly landmines.

Fourth, you can generally find GRASS near a lake, rather than sand. Some sand is fine, but having to walk through miles of sand? Having sand get in your drink? Decidedly NOT cool. Also: have you ever burned the bottoms of your feet on grass? I’m guessing NO, because grass is awesome.

But you can’t SURF in a lake, my ocean-loving friends claim. WRONG. The Great Lakes have waves, people. Don’t believe me? Check this out:

See? What else are you waiting for? NOW is the time to love the lakes and visit Michigan. Or any other lake in any other state for that matter. Just as long as it’s not in Nicaragua.


15 Responses to “Lakes trump Oceans. Or: Another Reason You Should Check Out Michigan.”

  1. Alicia July 16, 2012 at 7:36 pm #

    Amen, sister.

  2. k8edid July 16, 2012 at 8:29 pm #

    Well, I was in the Gulf of Mexico yesterday – water temp was 87 degrees – not exactly refreshing, but very soothing. Much nicer than 32.5 which has been the water temp (or so it would seem) each time I entered Lake Superior. But I do love lakes – especially Michigan Lakes. So double amen and a raised Vernor’s in salute.

    • pithypants July 17, 2012 at 7:28 am #

      Did you say the Gulf of Mexico? That’s another thing: No oil spills in a lake. That I know of. Yet. Though with all this talk of fracking, I might have to take that back soon.

      • k8edid July 17, 2012 at 8:02 am #

        No frackin’ oil spills YET…

      • Alicia July 17, 2012 at 1:07 pm #

        Again, Amen, Sister.

      • pithypants July 17, 2012 at 8:25 pm #

        My, *someone* is religious these days.

  3. Karen July 17, 2012 at 11:57 am #

    Salt water does awesome things to my hair and sand is a great natural exfoliant. I look prettier after a day at the ocean. Win for ocean! (Plus I love the smell of the ocean and while living on Lake Michigan I know there can be big waves at times….that’s at times. Ocean for a double win! )

    • pithypants July 17, 2012 at 8:25 pm #

      Traitor. Do you know what salt water does to ROCHESTER’S WIFE?

  4. Alicia July 17, 2012 at 1:08 pm #

    I am really surprised you used Great Salt Lake and “oxymoron” in the same sentence without figuring out a way to work in the pun “oxymormon.”

    • pithypants July 17, 2012 at 8:24 pm #

      Sorry I was slow to respond – I was too busy banging my head against the wall for missing this opportunity. OXYMORMON. Yes. That’s the title of my new novel. Or the detergent I haven’t yet invented.

      • funnyortragic July 18, 2012 at 1:58 am #

        I’d read the book, but I dunno if I’d wash my clothes with it.

  5. Francesca July 18, 2012 at 4:27 pm #

    I’ve been singing Michigan’s praises in a few of my recent blog posts, too. Much of the rest of the country has no idea what treasures await in The Great Lakes State. On second thought, maybe we should keep it that way?

  6. thesinglecell July 18, 2012 at 4:57 pm #

    I like the motion of the ocean. Or is it the size of the boat? Wait, what am I commenting on?


  1. Cops + Doughnuts = Yumminess | k8edid - July 21, 2012

    […] Michigan, especially in the summer time, is a very lovely place.  While its economy may be struggling, and its population dwindling,  its citizens are resourceful, resilient, and stalwart.  If you need reasons to enjoy a Michigan adventure, check out this post by Pithypants, as well as this post. […]

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