Cheaper than therapy.

30 Nov

Last night I was fairly stressed out about work when I went to bed. The result?

Nope. You weren't there. Whew.

A never-ending dream that I was one of the finalists on American Idol. We had thirty minutes to choose a song (from a selection of ten options), practice it, then perform it live on television. Unfortunately, I didn’t know ANY of the song options. I’d heard a few of them before, but not well enough to even guess at the lyrics convincingly. And also? All the songs were originally performed by men in falsetto, which put them out of range for my limited voice.

I sat bolt upright in bed at 2am, heart racing and sweating.

Know how I calmed myself down? By replaying the dream in my head and realizing the Simon Cowell had been no where to be found, so it couldn’t possibly have been THE American Idol. Oddly, that put me at ease – at least enough to fall back asleep.

Two hours later – I sat up in bed again. Because Simon wasn’t on the last season of Idol. 

But rather than panicked, for some odd reason, this realization caused me to feel like I’d solved an Encyclopedia Brown mystery. (Remember those? A squirrel can’t BACK down a tree! Ah ha!)

And yes, I realize this post violates two rules of interesting writing: 1) It makes no sense; 2) It bores you with a dream.

Sorry. What can I say? I didn’t sleep well.

I never claimed I could sing the phonebook.

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17 Responses to “Cheaper than therapy.”

  1. John November 30, 2011 at 8:06 am #

    Have you tried the sing the phonebook? Maybe it’s your secret calling.

    • pithypants November 30, 2011 at 8:20 am #

      Maybe that’s what I’ll try tonight – instead of counting sheep. Sounds equally boring.

      • pithypants November 30, 2011 at 8:21 am #

        Oh – and just think – there is an entire generation out there that probably won’t even know what a phonebook IS. Wah!

  2. Lorna's Voice November 30, 2011 at 9:30 am #

    I always wanted to be a super-star singer. Watching a couple of seasons of American Idol (with Simon) cured me of this fantasy. I’ll sing in my car and on the streets while walking Scrappy, but never on stage.

  3. thesinglecell November 30, 2011 at 11:05 am #

    Perhaps Simon’s absence wasn’t just about his defecting to his new and better show for the past season. Perhaps what it meant in your dream was that you wouldn’t truly be judged very harshly by those who matter, because they wouldn’t see your foible. Huh? See? See? I got this.

    • pithypants November 30, 2011 at 11:17 am #

      Damn. I think you’re qualified to put some letters after your name for this interpretation.

  4. The Byronic Man November 30, 2011 at 11:18 am #

    Isn’t that the strangest moment – the transition from dream where you think it’s the most important, most fascinating, most epic-novel-worthy story, to realizing there was nothing logical there?

    I’ve had dreams that I’ve woken up laughing from, continued laughing just thinking about it, until I’ve become fully lucid and realized there was nothing coherently funny happening. Maybe I’m insane. It’s a possibility.

    • pithypants December 1, 2011 at 12:33 pm #

      Or… have you ever woken up and been angry with your wife for something that happened IN A DREAM? Even once you realize it didn’t really happen, it’s hard to shift your emotions right away. I guess those Scientologists are onto something.

  5. dribblingpensioner November 30, 2011 at 11:18 am #

    I can’t understand why people watch the x factor or American idol, you know whats going to happen and also said on the programe

    • pithypants December 1, 2011 at 12:34 pm #

      Because reality television offers the possibility that you’ll get to see someone fall?

  6. cleaningupatown December 1, 2011 at 9:15 am #

    Not boring…always fun to hear what others dream about! Thanks for the laugh!

  7. Kimberly Pugliano December 1, 2011 at 2:10 pm #

    HOLY CRAP I REMEMBER ENCYLOPEDIA BROWN and the MOST memorable one to me is the squirrel backing down the tree.

    Awesome awesome awesome

  8. squirrel circus December 1, 2011 at 5:43 pm #

    If you’re like me, that’s the FIRST one you’ve ever solved — sure, they seemed obvious at the end, but I could never get it on my own. Same with Columbo re-runs. But, to be far, I think you’d have to be IN Peter Falk’s head to get those.

    Years after graduating from college, I’m still having those dreams where I can’t figure out my class schedule or what building I need to be in. That’s when I’m not having those oft-discussed dreams where your teeth are all crumbling. Good thing I’m not anxious at all. HA!

    • squirrel circus December 1, 2011 at 5:51 pm #

      Oh! BTW I totally gave you a blogging award today (http://wp.me/p1Up52-6D). It’s probably not your first, but I love your writing — it’s so funny and easy to relate to!

  9. dribblingpensioner December 1, 2011 at 6:28 pm #

    Thats a new award pithypants, i have not seen it before.

  10. Alicia December 2, 2011 at 11:39 am #

    I think you get one pass a year for dream blogging. Especially since you aren’t over the top with food or travel posts and you don’t have kids whose ever nose drip gets documented. Plus, this was funny. “Because Simon wasn’t on the last season of Idol.” Could’ve even stopped it right there and I’d still be giggling all day.

  11. kathleenmae December 7, 2011 at 7:01 am #

    That is so random and I thought it was far from boring. Dreams really interest me because they’re so weird. I would be relieved that dream wasn’t true!

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