Tag Archives: vocabulary

Corn: It’s a movement. (But not like you think.)

25 Jul

I have a new-found respect for kindergartner’s art skills. Corn is not easy to work with.

So in the wake of my run-in at the farmer’s market, I decided to make corn a dirty word.

This should trouble you on many levels. Let me enumerate count them:

  1. I had a run-in at a farmer’s market. How is this even possible? 
  2. I already swear a lot. Do I need another word in my arsenal? Does a bear eat corn? Probably, if it is hungry enough. 
  3. Corn is a ridiculous word. Is it actually swear-worthy? For the love of corn, yes. 
  4. Really? I was annoyed enough that I need to seek revenge by starting a corn movement? Frankly, yes. 

You know the expression, “Mess with the bull and you’ll get the horn?” Well, my new motto is: Mess with me and you’ll get the corn.

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Vocabulary that sizzles. Fo’ shizzle.

26 Dec

To pass time on Christmas day, we started a three-generation game of Tripoli at my parents’ house. (Tripoli is a card game with three stages that includes Michigan Rummy, poker and money cards.)

Near the end of the game, my attention waned, so I got a bit squirrelly. When playing the poker stage, I announced that my hand contained a “fizzle hizzle” instead of saying “full house.”

When it was time to count off, I led with a “tizzle” (two), followed by a “thrizzle” and so on.

My 12 year old nephew got a kick out of my counting style, so when it was his turn to lay down a Jack, he announced it with “JIZZLE!”

And immediately made a swallowed noise of embarrassment that was combination laugh/cough/gasp that let us know he realized he had just said a word that might be a synonym for “ejaculation” at his grandparents’ dining table. On Christmas Day.

Because nothing says “Merry Christmas, Grandma!” like announcing that your pre-teen slang vocabulary now includes fornication. (Fortunately, I’m pretty sure “jiz” is not a word my parents know, because when I later tried to explain the humor to them, they gave me a blank look. Though actually, that might have been because I didn’t do the SNL skit justice when I explained it.)

Next year, by way of a sequel, we’ll have to take home a bag of chestnuts and see what that does for the conversation.