Tag Archives: Swimming

Half my workout was just getting to the water.

17 Jan

The pool where I swim is a 15 minute drive from my house, so if I forget something mission-critical (like goggles or my bathing suit), I forfeit my workout rather than make the roundtrip twice.

That precise problem reared its head this weekend, when I arrived at the pool only to realize I’d forgotten my photo ID, meaning I wouldn’t be admitted to the pool. GRRRR. Fuming, I drove home completely irked.

When I got home, however, I saw that my towel was still hanging on the back of the bathroom door knob, so my missing ID was actually a blessing in disguise. I can’t imagine wrapping up a workout completely soaked with no ability to dry off before heading out into freezing temperatures.

This wasn’t the first time I’d forgotten something important, and it reminded me of another time recently when I got to the pool only to realize I’d left my flipflops at home. If you don’t understand how flipflops could be critical, then you clearly haven’t spent much time in a public lockerroom.

Remember playing “lava” when you were a kid, trying to avoid touching the floor when you walked? That’s kind of like me navigating a lockerroom without flipflops. I look at the nasty floor and all I can think is, “Plantar’s Warts!”

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There’s only one situation in which a cold shower is appropriate.

30 Dec

Last night I had a massage appointment at 8:30. (I KNOW – if you’ve been reading closely, that makes THREE massages in THREE weeks. Sheer awesomeness as I deplete my Flex Spending Account.)

Anyway, I started the day with sunrise yoga and was planning to cap the day off by hitting the pool for a half hour workout of kick laps before my massage.

I drove there.

I parked.

I changed.

And because the DC pools insist on everyone showering before entering the pool, I went to the showers (nevermind that I had taken one at home about three hours prior). But here’s the thing: the shower was FREEZING.

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Stream of Consciousness: Swimming at a DC Public Pool

21 Sep

This locker room is what I would expect to find in a prison.

Except with more people in it.

And probably lice.

Soap on a rope!

Wow. That is one naked woman.

Why is she sitting on a chair in the shower?

Note to self: don’t ever sit naked on a chair in a public shower. Gross.

I’m glad the lifeguard didn’t ask for my ID today.

I must look urban.

I wonder if they would’ve stopped Alan.

Wow. The water is WARM.

I bet I’ll overheat.

Sweating in the water is weird.

But it happens.

Why does that sign say “Water Running?”

I don’t SEE any water running.

<Four laps later>

Ah ha! They mean “water running” as in “people running” in the water.

Not the water running.

That’s embarrassing. I’ve been here a half dozen times looking for running water.

That explains why the fat woman always hangs out in this lane and doesn’t swim.

Although actually, she’s not running. She’s water-standing.

I wonder if I’ll get kicked out of this lane?

I am hot.

I wonder if the water tastes saltier because I am sweating?

Is my key still stuck to my head?

<Patting back of head while breast-stroking>

It is! Good!

What would I do if it wasn’t there?

How ironic would that be?

If by trying to protect my stuff, I end up losing the  key.

Which would be worse: having someone steal my stuff because I left the key to my lock on the deck, or not being able to get to my stuff because I tied the key to my goggles and it fell off and disappeared into the pool drain?

Not sure.

Those girls have on the exact same suit.

I wonder if they’re on a team together?

If they are, then it’s not a good team because I’m faster than them.

I wonder if the lifeguard would actually notice if someone drowned?

Are they allowed to talk on their cell phones on duty?

I bet they are breaking the rules.

<Scanning bottom of pool to make sure no swimmers need to be rescued.>

How weird that I can’t wait to get out of the water to cool down.

I bet that’s why that woman was sitting on a chair in the shower: heat stroke.

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Overheard: In the locker room tonight

11 May

Exhibit A: Locker room conspicuously lacking a inquisitive child.

At the pool tonight when I was changing from my swim, I was distracted because I had forgotten my flip-flops and was trying to minimize my contact with the floor. I’m paranoid that I’ll get plantar’s warts. (This is well-founded paranoia, based on my childhood as a swimmer, for the record.)

While I was putting myself through the paces, I noticed a little girl standing near me who was probably about six years old. Her mom had her hands full trying to get her younger sister stripped down, so this girl stood there, eating a banana in her bathing suit, talking to anyone within ear-shot, and staring at my boobs.

I was the only person she didn’t engage in conversation, so I’m thinking my breasts intimidated her. It’s to be expected.

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Stream of Consciousness: Swimming Tonight

11 May

Yes, I've clearly borrowed this from fotilia.com, as evidenced by their watermark all over it. I would use my own photo, but somehow I don't think my swim quite captured the meditative vibe I was going for. Had someone been there with a camera, it probably would've looked like an angry person drowning.

Oh God. This water is cold.

What was I thinking?

Maybe I’m not supposed to swim tonight.

I mean, first, there was the shampoo that leaked all over in my bag and coated all my swim stuff with UltraSwim.

I should’ve taken that as a sign and just gone home.

I wonder if there were suds when I jumped in the pool?

Damn. I should’ve paid attention.

Are there suds behind me now?

No. But I definitely smell the UltraSwim.

I wonder if there’s some in my goggles.

Probably.

Focus. You’re here to swim.

Your day sucked ass and this is how you put it behind you.

Get it out of your system.

You have 70 laps – well, maybe 50 because it *is* cold – to get over your crappy day.

I wonder if this is like a swimming meditation that I’m trying?

Does anyone do that?

If I’m the first person to do it, could I write a book about it?

Would there be enough interest that I could teach other people how to do it and go on lecture tours?

I think I need to stop thinking for it to be a meditation.

This isn’t going to work.

I can’t believe I forgot my flip-flops.

Disgusting. I probably should’ve just bailed and gone home.

The thought that I walked in the locker room unprotected makes me ill.

Now I probably will get a plantar’s wart – and only for 50 laps.

Maybe I should do 70 to make it worth it, just in case I do get a wart.

I’ll kick a little harder to try to wash off any wart juice I might have walked through.

But what about the shower?

That is going to be doubly-disgusting, because there will probably be long black hairs on the ground.

Why do black hairs bother me so much more than light hairs?

Do people with dark hair find light hair more revolting?

If I threw up in my mouth in the water, would anyone notice?

I clearly never swim very hard because I haven’t thrown up in the gutter.

Most swimmers do at some point.

Did Brian Guidry tell me that he threw up at practice sometime recently?

I’ll have to ask.

Wait. Am I getting competitive about throwing up while swimming?

What lap am I on?

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