Tag Archives: pants

In which we propose bringing back maternity pants.

30 Sep

I don’t even how it came up, but on chat earlier today, my sister and I agreed that pants suck.

(The guys reading this are like, “Huh?” so let me explain.)

Alicia summarized it best, so I’ll just cite her reasons:

  1. If you get them so they fit when you’re standing up, they cut into your gut when you sit down.
  2. If you get them so they’re comfortable to sit in, you can pull them down without unbuttoning them when you stand up.

(All the women are nodding.)

I had to laugh because I had a perfect example. Yesterday, returning from NYC, I was wearing pants that fit well when I’m standing. But on the train, they felt like they were bisecting my muffin top, so I took (what I deemed to be) appropriate action: I unbuttoned and partially unzipped them.

The problem was that I completely forgot until I exited the train. Walking down the platform with my bag trailing me, my pants started sliding down my legs with each step. Hello, Washington!

Apparently, in my home state of Michigan, if the infographic above is to be believed, this would’ve been a punishable offense.

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Clearly this was a man’s idea.

20 Apr

Tuesday morning as Alan and I were getting ready to leave for work, he emerged from my guest bedroom with a shit-eating grin on his face. “Are those your new pants in the closet there?” he asked.

I confirmed that they were.

“Interesting label on them,” he paused. “I can’t believe they actually sell pants that are billed as ‘curvy with stretch.’ That’s clearly a euphamism.”

I would have glared at him, but I share the same opinion. I buy 90% of my wardrobe from Ann Taylor Loft. I love that I can grab clothes off the rack and know if they’ll fit without trying them on, but I think their sizing system is a bit, um, insulting.

They have three styles for all their pants, each named after a woman: there’s the Ann, Julie or Marissa cut. While I like the fit, I find the names stupid. Not to mention, when you have two names clearly rooted in the 70s, what is Marissa doing there? It’s like Barbie and Skipper suddenly having to drag Barbie’s younger sister Stacie along. Just a mismatched item.

So back to Alan. He wanted to know a) how a store actually turned a profit that had a product labeling women as fat, and (to his credit), wondering why I needed a pair of pants designed to be curvy and stretchy.

I explained that the Marissa cut is for straight, boy-cut bodies, so those clearly wouldn’t work for me (I have hips, yo!). And the Ann style is made for — I don’t know, I guess people whose belly buttons are located where most people have a sternum. Or perhaps they should be called the mom-cut, since the waistband is always about four inches above a person’s hips.

Whatever. With those as my other options, I’ll take the pants that are designed for someone with a distinct waist and hips with a different measurement. And even if they may have been named by a passive-aggressive man who wanted his wife to diet, I’m going to just think that the “stretchy” allows me to have an extra helping of dinner without sweating it.

Now that I think of it, I’m seeing the advantage to pants that have a waist band four inches above my actual waist. Sign me up for the Ann cut!