Tag Archives: panic

DC: Natural Disaster Edition. Irene vs. Iris.

29 Aug

As morbid as it sounds, I love a weather forecast that empties grocery shelves. DC is at its finest when people are slightly panicked. Historically, this has only happened when snow is on the way, but this weekend’s threat of Irene yielded similar results.

This was during the blizzard. Awesome.

Having been gone for two weeks, I stopped in the grocery store Thursday night to restock, not realizing that the city was functioning at “Code Orange.”

Lines snaked from the cash registers back to the dairy section. Entire shelves were emptied; some items – milk, eggs, toilet paper, water – were consistent with blizzard shopping. But apparently when there’s a hurricane, people want to make SALADS. And eat CEREAL. Hmmm.

Ironically, there were still umbrellas for sale. And hurricane drink mix. Am I the only person who thought those would be the two must have items? Standing there, I wondered if I’d heard the radio wrong. Was Irene a hurricane, or a missile? Was I shopping for the wrong catastrophe? Just to cover bases, I picked up a DuraFlame firelog. (Not Pine Mountain. I’ve learned my lesson.)

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Further proof I am an idiot.

21 Mar

There are some foods I love because of their texture: Tic Tacs would be one, banana chips another. I don’t even like bananas, but I love banana chips. Go figure.

One thing I like to do with banana chips is to put one in my mouth and wedge it between my upper teeth so it fits there snugly for a moment before I tap it with my tongue, breaking it in half and relieving the tension. (I know – this is vaguely pathetic. I can’t even believe I’m admitting this.)

Since you’re already cringing in horror at my revelation, I’ll take it one step further down the path of shame.

About a minute ago, I performed “Operation Wedge” and got a banana chip stuck in the roof of my mouth. Except, when I went to “tap and relieve” it, it wouldn’t break.

There is a fine line between enjoying a texture and imposing some odd tension on your palette, and freaking out because you think you’re going to need to have a banana chip surgically removed from your upper cleft.

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