Tag Archives: overheard

Don’t tug too hard or you’ll destroy it.

18 Apr

Who wants a phallus for Christmas?

At pottery this weekend I asked Jill to demonstrate how she pulls and attaches a handle to a mug.

I’ve been trying to do it during open studio without guidance, and as a result, my handles have come out looking bent, uneven and generally like they won’t stay on for a single dishwasher cycle.

As always, Jill made it look easy. But even in the hands of a lesbian, the process of pulling a handle also looked – well – dirty. You basically have to keep pulling on a piece of clay until it gets long and smooth, shaped much like a… nevermind.

As Jill was demonstrating this technique, she said, “Now be careful when you go to attach it. You want to keep pulling on it to work the clay, but you don’t want to jerk it off.”

Then, because she’s awesome, she caught herself and – as if she were Beavis’s seventy-year old grandmother, said, “Heh-heh. Don’t jerk it off!”

And that’s why I like pottery.

Tip: Until you’ve mastered the language, try a thesaurus.

11 Jan

I’m as guilty as the next girl of cursing like a sailor. But I’d like to think I generally maintain awareness of my surroundings and tailor my language to my audience. (My parents might disagree.)

This morning in National Airport I had the joy of sitting next to two women in their early 30s who clearly thought they were hot shit (despite wearing sweatpants in public) and wanted to broadcast their badness to the world at large.

It was odd because – aside from their poor fashion – they seemed like reasonably intelligent, articulate women. Until they fired up the profanity.

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Some people use them for birdwatching. Not my mom.

27 Sep

My parents came to visit this weekend – their first time since I’ve moved.

My mom spends a large portion of her waking time observing (and commenting on) other people. My old place was HORRIBLE for her because it was on the top floor of a five-story building and had limited windows that really didn’t afford street views. She would pace like a caged animal trying to peek out the small windows in my turret, so visits would generally be planned around making sure she was outside and able to see people.

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