Tag Archives: OCD

Let the Droid v. iPhone battle begin.

17 Aug

Disclaimer: this is pretty funny, but there are a lot of f*bombs:

About a year ago, I converted to the dark side and dropped Verizon so I could get an iPhone. I know there are studies that talk about the “consumer treadmill” and how new gadgets or shopping sprees provide but a fleeting moment of happiness. In general, I agree. But not when it comes to my iPhone. I love it.

I am as happy with – and as excited by – my iPhone today as I was when I first fetched it on that hot day last August. (Same could be said about Alan, with whom I’m celebrating the year anniversary of our first date today, but I didn’t exactly “fetch” him, so…)

I still marvel that one device has allowed me all the functionality of a laptop, iPod, cell phone, day planner, digital camera, flash drive, Nintendo DS… AND I can use it to check-in at the airport instead of printing a ticket. How awesome is that?

I’m thinking about my phone because Alan just got a Droid today. I’m already anticipating a blog entry from him that spews excitement as he claims his new phone can do pretty much everything under the sun, including rub his back and clean his kitchen. At least, that’s how I felt about my phone, and I’m only a fraction as excitable by tech toys as he is. (And honestly, I think I will do a backflip if it CAN rub his back and clean his kitchen.)

As an odd side note while I’m thinking about my  phone: I have only ever taken the cover off it once.

(Have I mentioned that I’m OCD?)

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Rules: If you are in front of me in a line…

12 May

If you’re in line to pay for something:

  • Organize your items on the conveyor belt so that people behind you with heavy baskets can set their stuff down too.
  • Don’t judge my purchases. I’m not laughing at you for your ExLax, so don’t look repulsed by my assortment of TGIFriday frozen foods.
  • If you’re browsing a magazine, you still need to keep one eye trained on the line and move appropriately. (Don’t make me nudge you.)
  • How about finding your wallet BEFORE you get to the register. And even better, have your credit card out.
  • For the love of small puppies and all things holy, don’t even think about writing a check. Who even uses those any more?
  • If you want to dispute a price, the difference better exceed 20 cents. Otherwise, I’ll give you a quarter and we’ll call it a day.
  • If your can has a dent in it, tough shit. You should’ve noticed that when you took it off the shelf. Not now, when there’s a line of people behind you.
  • Please don’t act as if you’ve never used a pinpad to complete a transaction. You should know where the debit/credit button is and how to slide your card. If you don’t, you should only function in a cash-based world or order from Peapod.

If you’re in line to use the bathroom:

  • First off, you must be a woman. I’ve never seen a man in a line for this.
  • If you ARE a man in line for a bathroom – go outside. It’s faster and we women need your bathroom.
  • Be alert. When a stall opens, make a break for it, or I will.
  • This isn’t a time to be fickle. If you don’t like the looks of your stall, don’t stand there contemplating it and praying for another one to open. If you do, I will shove you out of the way and use it. You’re squatting anyway, so unless there is a turd sitting on top of the toilet paper dispenser, I think you’re good.
  • I’d actually appreciate it if everyone in line started unzipping, unbuckling and unsnapping while still in line. We could speed this whole thing up if everyone did a bit of public prep work.

What do you think? Am I way off base here?

If only you would do what I tell you…

16 Apr

Some people call me bossy. (You know who you are.) Maybe they’re right.

This is *exactly* what I looked like.

Today I was standing in Thomas Circle trying to cross traffic when I heard sirens blaring. An ambulance was bearing down on the circle, hellbent for leather, and the traffic was gridlocked. The ambulance driver tried to pull a slick trick and bypass traffic to get to an inner-lane of the circle, but ended up stuck, with only his horn to lean on.

Fewer than 20% of cars in the District are tagged with DC plates on a weekday, so there’s a solid 80% of drivers who (presumably) crap their pants when faced with a traffic circle. Even savvy DC drivers sometimes go slack when faced with navigating a circle, what with its flashing arrows and tricky yield signs. Add in a frenzied ambulance and expect IQs to plumment as  otherwise intelligent people to freeze in terror.

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My bags are packed, I’m ready to go…

8 Mar

I can’t decide if my Type A personality is an asset or a handicap. Admittedly, it’s come in handy lately: in addition to an always-demanding job, I’ve been trying to coordinate a vacation AND prep my place to go on the market.

I know, there’s not much pity for someone coordinating a vacation – but this one is surprisingly mentally taxing, considering it’s a beach vacation. Next week we’re going to Captiva Island, which is just off the coast of Florida and accessible only by boat. That’s what makes it a bit of a logistical challenge – in addition to packing, we need to coordinate a ride from the airport to the marina, a water taxi to get us to the island, a golf cart to pick us up and shuttle us to the house – and we need to pick up groceries from Publix along the way.

(Admittedly, the groceries thing doesn’t sound difficult, but consider this: you can’t actually go in the store. You have to fax a grocery list 72 hours in advance and let someone else shop for you. As a proud bearer of OCD, it’s incredibly hard to realize that someone else will be selecting my steaks. Also factor in my tendency to operate exclusively off minute-by-minute food cravings, and you’ll start to understand my challenge with this system.)

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Saturday’s Swim: My (OCD) stream of thoughts…

22 Feb

Wow. The water feels colder than usual.

It’s been three weeks. I wonder if I’ll get tired fast.

The bandaid on my thumb is loose.

I hope it doesn’t fall off.

It was nice of that man to share his lane with me.

He doesn’t seem to be doing anything but standing.

Why is he wearing flippers?

There are a lot of kids here today.

How many of them have peed in this water?

Shit. There goes my bandaid.

I wonder if I’ll see it when I swim back the other way.

If I do see it, should I dive down and grab it?

What number lap is this? Seven?

Am I ten percent done already? Awesome!

I’m not as cold as I was when I first jumped in.

There! Is that my bandaid?

I’ll go get it.

Wait. That might not be my bandaid.

Oh my God. I almost touched someone else’s bandaid.

I want to wash my hands.

How ironic would that be?

There’s actually a lot of shit on the bottom of the pool.

I wonder when they’ll vacuum it.

Oh, here comes the guy in the flippers…

How can he be going that slow with flippers?

I wonder if anyone famous has ever swum in this pool.

Probably Mayor Fenty, but he’s not famous.

Is that lifeguard asleep?

He looks like his eyes are closed.

If only I could see him longer.

If someone drowns while he’s sleeping, would I be able to help?

Do I remember how?

The only thing I remember about life guard training is to be careful because a drowning person will try to climb on top of your head.

My aunt is always scared that cats will jump on top of her head.

That’s a weird fear.

What lap am I on?