Tag Archives: Movies

Clearly, I’ve seen too many movies.

10 Nov

Sunday, in the wake of the Oyster Festival, Urbanna was a different town. With only an occasional person on the street in comparison to the thousands from the previous day, it felt almost ghostly. Both Alan and I were mildly creeped out by it, which might explain why my brain gravitated toward paranoia.

The owners of the B&B were incredibly nice people, with an expansive sense of hospitality. They took a shine to Alan and me, so they offered to take us out on their boat Sunday afternoon.

The day was gorgeous – 70 degrees and sunny with a bright blue sky. The trees lining the river were vivid shades of red, orange and yellow. It was like being in a commercial for the Rappahannock River or – in keeping with my general paranoia – a horror movie.

So instead of simply relaxing and absorbing the scenery as we shuttled up the river, I started looking around nervously, imaging that they were taking us somewhere to kill us. Spotting a shovel on the deck, I envisioned our captain whacking Alan in the head with it, then pushing him overboard. The phrase “watery grave” danced in my head.

After we returned to the B&B (safely, I might add), I told Alan what I’d been thinking.

He laughed. “And what would their plan be with you after they killed me?”

“Human trafficking? Indentured servitude? Take your pick!” I was a bit indignant that he didn’t give me credit for having value to them. Alan just rolled his eyes.

So, before our next vacation, I have it all figured out. Depending on where we’re going, I’ll rent a few movies for him:

  • If we’re staying at a B&B again: Psycho 
  • Water-based vacation: Cape Fear
  • Writing/skiing retreat: The Shining
  • Iowa: Children of the Corn
  • Pennsylvania: Dracula (C’mon! It sounds kind of like Transylvania)
  • Camping: Blair Witch Project

Then we’ll see who’s laughing. And who’s holding a shovel.

In honor of the Oscars, I shall profess my ignorance of pop culture.

27 Feb

Tonight walking home from yoga I passed a dozen bars and restaurants that had chalkboards out front touting their Oscar parties. Part of me got a bit of Oscar envy, thinking it would be fun to be hosting an Oscar party in a couple hours.

Then I realized: I have absolutely no vested interest in the Oscars. I’ve only seen one – count it, ONE! – of the ten films nominated for Best Picture. And that was only because Alan and I motivated YESTERDAY (that’s exactly one day before the Oscars) to walk to Georgetown and watch The King’s Speech.

Aside from that, since I don’t own a television, I haven’t even seen trailers for the other films – unless I actively sought them out on Fandango over the course of the year. When the opening credits of The King’s Speech started rolling, I was shocked to see a microphone on screen – without any prior knowledge of the film, I had been assuming it was set back in the days of Henry VIII.

Um. Perhaps there’s something (albeit something small) to be said for television.

Interestingly, there was a whole crowd of Oscar “crammers” at the theatre on Saturday. Apparently Lowe’s offers a $50 Oscar ticket for people who want to do a marathon and watch ALL of the nominees in one fell swoop before the awards. I became antsy just looking at them, knowing they had resigned themselves to sit in a theatre for multiple hours. That might be my personal idea of hell.

Well, that plus some screaming infants, a line of people walking slowly down the sidewalk side-by-side, a menu serving only white creamy foods (like cream cheese, sour cream, mayonnaise and yoghurt), a Celine Dion album on repeat and a gaggle of women who refer to themselves as “mommy” when addressing other adults. That’s pretty much my idea of hell.

Speaking of hell… whose idea was it to have Anne Hathaway and James Franco host? The last time I checked, neither of them was a comedian, and that seems like about the ONLY prerequisite for hosting. Maybe I’ll hustle up a live stream so I can watch them bomb. Or… maybe that’s the real blessing of not owning a TV. I don’t have to.

The Lovely Bones = Dead Boring

7 Jan

You really shouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth, so perhaps I’m being a bit harsh in my review of The Lovely Bones. After all, my ticket *was* free as part of my friend Holly’s Film Club membership. Or maybe the movie was JUST SO BAD that even free wasn’t cheap enough.

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