Tag Archives: Friends & Life

Waxing poetic. Or just waxing.

11 Mar

OK. I really wasn’t going to go here. I swear. Please forgive me.

The other night – in preparation for my tropical vacation next week – I had an appointment with Nora at Corte Salon. Nora is famous in DC for being perhaps the best waxer inside the Beltway. (And no, that wasn’t a pun, and by famous I mean she’s actually had entire articles devoted to her waxing prowess.)

My two best friends also visit her, so whenever I have an appointment, among other things we spend the thirty minutes catching up on what everyone has been up to. That definitely helps distract from what could otherwise be an awkward experience.

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Warning: Clumping litter will stick to your (cat’s) balls

4 Mar

I find that people who travel a lot tend to lean on Facebook more than the general population. I know I do, and it’s probably some combination of interesting things happening when I travel and a need to feel connected to friends back home. My friend Brian travels for work as much as I do, and I enjoy keeping one eye trained to his posts when he’s on the road.

This week, he did not disappoint:

When I read this, I was rolling. In the follow-up to this thread, Brian went on to explain that the girl’s father asked the gate attendant to repeat what she’d just said. The woman obliged, but substituted the word “balls” in place of “testicles” – presumably because she understood she had a more mature audience.

I appreciated her use of the proper anatomical terms with the little girl. Growing up, my parents did the same. (Maybe because my dad was biology teacher?) I don’t think my sister or I even knew what “Going #1 or #2” meant until we went to school and heard our classmates saying it.

In fact, one of often retold family stories is about my sister, who – as a four year old child – contracted a bladder infection while my family was on vacation visiting relatives in Alabama. My parents took her to the doctor, a sweet old southern man, who asked her, “Honey, does your tee-hee hurt when you tinkle?”

My sister looked him in the eye and said, “No, but my vagina burns when I urinate.”

IKEA makes me ICRAZY

1 Mar

String: Ikea's way of saying, "We don't want you to leave that crap you just bought here."

Saturday, for some inexplicable reason, I got a bug up my ass to go to IKEA. Mind you, I’ve only ever been to IKEA twice before, and I don’t think I bought anything either time. I tend to hate IKEA… it’s like an amusement park of cheaply constructed furniture that’s over-run by recent college grads and families with a bunch of kids.

So why did I suddenly heed the calling? Well, I’m in the throes of prepping my place to go on the market, and as such, there are a few finishing touches that are needed to make it show better – a new rug, better lighting, a few throw pillows to match my newly painted accent wall, a picture to hide my fuse box. IKEA seemed to be the perfect place to pick up these random nuggets, if only I could bring myself to deal with all the people.

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To quote a wise man: never trust a fart.

26 Feb

This is about the last existing photo of WOW chips. Lay's has done an amazing job scrubbing any reference to WOWs from the internet. That's SEO well played.

Remember when WOW potato chips came out in the late 1990s? They were the first – and to my knowledge – ONLY food to ever bear the warning that they may cause anal leakage. At the time, they were the subject of many late night jokes, and my colleague Sara dared to test the warning by consuming an entire bag in one sitting.

Her response: “Wow!”

Apparently the chip was well named and the warning well phrased. Score one for marketers AND the USDA. (Ironically, they ended up re-branding as “Ruffles Light” because they became infamous: deduct one for both marketers and Olestra.)

It got me to thinking that THAT was a good practice. Why don’t companies include warnings on any food that might spoil a date (as opposed to simply including a spoiled-by date)?

Based on the number of times the word “shart” has worked itself into a text from one of my friends (and you know who you are), I’m thinking there are PLENTY of foods (or people) that would be well-served by a cautionary label.

I won’t share the stories that accompany these foods (must protect the innocent – at least until I have a bottle of wine in me) but here’s a list that may cause disastrous results if consumed:

  • Kashi frozen pizza
  • Kashi Go Lean Crunch
  • Fiber One bars
  • Atkins diet
  • Kielbasa and sauerkraut
  • More than three diet sodas in one day

This is by no means a complete list, but it’s a starting point. In any case, don’t say you haven’t been warned. And feel free to add to this list or add your own cautionary tales – consider it an act of citizenship.

Service with a smile… no, really!

25 Feb

If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, then it's probably a duck.

Have you ever tried Cosi’s flatbreads? They’re essentially pizzas, but they don’t call them that. They should, because it would help set better expectations. I’m fine waiting 10 minutes for a pizza to come out of an oven; I am NOT fine waiting for a “flatbread” to be handed to me with melted cheese.

I only order a flatbread if I’ve packed an activity in my pocket – like my iPhone – so I don’t have to twiddle my thumbs waiting for it to crawl through the oven. Yesterday I ordered a pizza flatbread, tucked into a chair and amused myself while it cooked. When it was ready, the woman who presented it to me was wild with enthusiasm.

“Pepperoni! Pepperoni! Pepperoni Flatbread!” She had actually invented a SONG using my Pepperoni Flatbread as her inspiration. I will admit, it got me slightly more excited about my impending meal. Continue reading