Tag Archives: breasts

My girls are riding a wee bit higher these days.

9 Mar

One of the items on my 40 x 40 list was to get a professional bra fitting. I know, it’s kind of pathetic that I’m almost 40, have huge knockers, and have never actually been fitted. Especially since people (by which I mean Oprah Winfrey) swear that the right bra makes all the difference.

So I put it on my list. And my clever sister gave me the nudge to get it done: For Christmas, her gift to me was a bra made out of $20’s and ribbon, along with directions to Coup de Foudre, an upscale lingerie store in downtown DC. How awesome is that? Here’s her handiwork:

Miss Moneycups!

Miss Moneycups!

The first two months of 2014 flew by, but I finally made an appointment this last weekend with Renee at Coup de Foudre for a proper fitting.

It started in a dressing room, where I faced a mirror, still fully clothed. Renee was behind me, and started feeling along where my band ran, talking as she went. “I’m getting a 34,” she said, “though you might need to go down to a 32.” It was kind of like a magician guessing “Ace of Spades” after asking you to cut the deck. Fascinating.

Then she had me turn around, and she set about deducing my cup size, still working over my tshirt. I have no modesty, so it wasn’t awkward at all, but I think even shy women wouldn’t get flustered – she was professional, unobtrusive, and able to capture measurements in a very short period of time.

After getting a sense of the geography, she disappeared to select a few bras. It turns out that measurements aren’t reliable because bras are all constructed and sized a bit differently. So the fitting is more than simply determining your measurements – it’s trying on a bunch of bras that are in the right ballpark to determine which ones fit the best and most comfortably.

The brilliance in that approach is that you completely move away from the traditional sizing system, so you don’t get hung up on wanting to be a certain size. Apparently this is common. To prove how varied the sizing is, I walked away with both a 34DD and a 32F. And you can bet your ass I would never have knowingly tried on a 32F.

Renee has been fitting women for over twenty years, so she was a wealth of information. She confirmed that most women wear bands that are too big and cups that are too small. She summarized boob job trends over the years: Apparently bigger is en vogue now, but a 36C used to be considered ideal. She also noted that most women fail to do a few key moves after putting on a bra – namely pulling the breast to the center of the cup, and using a finger to adjust the top edge of the cup for a perfect fit.

The only tip I have for women heading into the process: Choose your outfit wisely. Specifically, you want to wear a tshirt (or something smooth) so you can test it over bras to see how they sit under clothing, and be sure you’re wearing pants that you don’t mind looking at your stomach in. As crazy as that sounds, you spend the majority of the 60-90 minutes standing in a well-lit dressing room, dressed from the waist down as you try on a variety of bras. If you’re wearing pants that make you self-conscious about your stomach, your attention won’t be on the right thing.

So there you go. One more off the 40×40 list, and I’m walking a bit taller. Or at least, I appear to be.

Oh – and because I want to make sure I’m properly caring for my fine new bras, I googled “how often should bras be laundered.” Um…

Image Source: http://cdn.themetapicture.com/media/funny-bra-how-often-wash.jpg

Hear ye, hear ye. Tips for the renaissance.

21 Oct

We took Alan’s son to the Maryland Renaissance Festival this weekend. It’s an event I approach each year with equal parts curiosity and trepidation, mainly because I’m not into pretending that I live in any century other than this one and I find it troubling when other adults try to speak to me in fake accents.

What I do love about the festival is my chance to unabashedly watch people. I mean, they come out looking for an audience, so it’s totally fine to stare with my mouth hanging open, right?

In case you’ve never attended a Renn Fest, here’s a quick primer so you know what to expect:

1. Aside from the people who are “formal players” in the script, most attendees just aren’t that concerned with the accuracy of their costumes. At least I assume not, since I don’t remember fairies, pixies, dinosaurs, Jedis, and Yoda featuring prominently in the Middle Ages.

So if you have a great Halloween costume you’d like to get more mileage out of, wear it. Don’t worry if it has nothing to do with the Renaissance. Want to dress like you’re from Minecraft? Do it. Or a pervy clown? Fair game.

For example, what was THIS GUY all about? I don’t think any of my renaissance readings featured a creepy, half-man/half-baby, stilted jester. 

Creepy, any way you cut it.

Creepy, any way you cut it.

2. There is either a LOT of bad cleavage in this world, or the women with bad cleavage are attracted to Renaissance festivals. I saw so many huge, dimpled and jiggly breasts, I have a newfound pity for mammographers. If you like showing off your breasts, this is your event. Embrace your inner-wench. If that’s not your thing, then brace yourself for having to tolerate others.

(While we’re on the topic of breasts: I’m all for breast-feeding your infant, and I don’t mind if you do it in public, provided you make a little effort so I don’t have to look at your nipple. But I think most people would agree when I say that if you can do it hands-free, standing up with your child strapped to your chest and your breast fully exposed, while shopping for pixie wings, you’ve crossed a line.)

Image Source: http://assets.vice.com/content-images/contentimage/no-slug/bfa4223261f5067fb1312cb7bf84dabf.jpg

Look Ma, no hands!

3. The little kids at the festival are either cuter than average, or – thanks to the principle of relativity – they just seemed that way because the adults were so odd. Regardless, I especially liked the little kid riding around on his dad’s shoulders in a fuzzy dinosaur costume, and the toddler who stood looking down at her feet in confusion, unable to walk because she’d somehow managed to velcro her shoes together. If you’d like to find your own child cute for even just a day, take him or her to Renn Fest.

4. Never volunteer to be a piece in a game of Human Chess. You’ll quickly feel like this:

Image Source: http://www.funnyfidos.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/funny-dog-picture-rather-be-chasing-cars.jpg

5. A hint for the women who think it’s going to be awesome to wear a big dress with a crinoline to make it fluffy: your only bathroom option will be a port-a-potty.  I saw more than one woman in a large dress emerge from the over-sized handicap potty to ask the “bathroom attendant” to check her dress. Um… pretty sure you need to burn it when you get home. Or sooner, if you’re planning to eat anything.

6. Speaking of eating? Along with people-watching, that may be one of your highlights from the festival. Don’t skimp on the steak on a stake, turkey legs, or beer.

That’s it. Otherwise, go forth and be merry. You might not actually feel transported to the sixteenth century, but you will definitely know that you’re in a special place. Embrace it.

Score one for my sister…

21 Aug

I shared a sweet photo with my sister on Facebook because I know she likes cats:

And this was her response:

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