Tag Archives: advice

Please use the paper towels VERY sparingly.

14 Jul

My mom used to call me Little Miss Know-It-All because it was pretty rare that someone could tell me something without my responding, “I know.” Even if I didn’t know, I knew.

Apparently I haven’t quite grown out of that habit, because in the past month I’ve found myself insulted by some of the advice people have given me. “Do they think I’m stupid?” I’ve bemoaned to Alan. “Of COURSE I’ve done that.”

Admittedly, some of the advice WAS ridiculous.

Like when my icemaker turned my freezer into an ice block and the guy at Ace asked if I had the temperature dial set to a cold setting.

Or when I told my sister that the caulking I had done in my bathtub didn’t set properly and she asked if I was sure I had used caulk. As opposed to… toothpaste.

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Again, THIS is how people find me?

28 Jun

Today’s three google searches that led people to my blog:

  • wow chips warning label
  • fail motto’s <sic>
  • are kashi bars causes of anal leakage

Seriously? Does this mean that if I ever become famous for blogging, it will only be within the poop community? (Whatever THAT is. I don’t even know, but I think I’d have banner ads sponsored by IBD medications… which, if you Google them – as I just did – you will find all seem to have “ass” as part of their commercial name. Ironic, no?)

Anyway, I kind of wish I had an Advice Column, because I would LOVE some details on that third person who got super specific about his supposed connection between Kashi and leakage. Here’s what I think his letter would read:

Dear Pithypants,

I’m hoping you can help me, because I fear there is a causal relationship between eating Kashi bars and crapping myself at work without realizing it. Can you please confirm that this is, in fact, the case?

Sincerely,

Perhaps Out Of Possibilities (Poop)

My response would be:

“Depends on how you tried to insert it. More details please.”

And yes, that is why I will never have a famous blog. Because nothing 12-year olds say is riveting.

Wow. Who knew it was enough of a problem that someone started a group?

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